Oh My Crazy Little Aubree

Just posted twice so be sure to check out the post below this one too! (Goin a little blogger-happy tonight! WOO-HOO!) :)

Oh my crazy Aubree!

(Aubree Faith at 14 months)

So, most 3 year olds are still learning how to play hide and seek and my little 3 year olds are no exception. Some at this age can hide but like to jump out laughing before they are found while others just don't understand the point in hiding in the first place. After all, if you are wanting to play a game with your friends, why would you run away and hide from them, right? :) Well, Nicholas is pretty typical. He will hide and jump out before it's time. Aubree on the other hand is just simply fun to watch. She is pretty good at the quiet part and even the staying hidden part...well, kind of. She will find a great hiding place, but she changes it a million times before the counter is done couting (and yes, as long as it takes Nicholas to count to 10---somehow the numbers 14, 20 and 23 get in there before he reaches 10 even though he can count to 20 just fine. I guess he just never likes to leave those numbers out no matter how low he is counting---she is able to change locations that many times) and then, when he finds her, rather than it being HIS turn to hide, she runs off to one of her other hiding places she's found until he finds her again then she continues until she's gone through all the good spots she found and he fnds her in all of them.  Then finally once she's out of spots, she gives in and becomes the counter. It's like she can't decide which spot was best so she wants to use them all in the same round. (funny thing, Nicholas just goes along with it like it's just how the game goes--I don't let the little squirt get away with it, I find her, it's MY turn to hide!) :)

(Aubree Faith at 4 months)

So, I wrote this...well, I actually was playing around with her when she was going through all her spots one day while we played and started saying these words to her then thought I would write it down.


My Hiding Aubree

Aubree, oh Aubree, where will you be hiding?
Outside? Inside? Are you still deciding?
Under the table? Behind the door?
In the closet on the floor?
Beneath the blankets atop the bed?
In daddy's recliner covering your head?
One, Two, Three, now here I come
If you're still not hiding then you'd better run!

(Aubree Faith at 3 years)

Just because I never want to forget...

Oh my goodness! My kids crack me up all the time but tonight they have been on a roll! So, first off:

In the car on the way home from church tonight, Nicholas and Aubree wanted to play with my phone. I told them no bc I am trying to put new limits on their iPhone/iPad play time now. To distract them, I told them to look outside and tell me what they see. They saw the cars, stores, lights, "green light means go....red light means stop! stop! stop!" and several other things they saw. Then they saw the moon and stars and they started talking about flying. Nicholas said "Jesus is flying in the sky." I asked him where Jesus was at and if he saw Him. He said he didn't that "Jesus is in His room." I asked him where Jesus' room was at and he said "It's on the moon!" I asked if it was inside the moon and he said (with attitude might I add) "NO! It's ON the moon!" OH! Well EXCUSE me for not knowing! :) Then Aubree said she wanted to fly to the moon to see Him. I told her to close her eyes and she could fly there and she looked at me with a very sad pouty face and said, "I can't" I asked "why not?" (my tone and face matching the sadness in her eyes) and she answered, "Because I don't have any pixie dust."

So that had me giggling (inwardly as I didn't want to offend her grief at being out of "pixie dust"- you see why we are limiting their tv/gadgets time now?) :)

(Ok, so this is totally not the picture from tonight, it's about 1 year old, but my, my my, look how they've grown!)

I was putting the kids down when Donny decided he wanted some Annabelle time so he got her out of bed. So that the twins wouldn't get upset, I laid in their bed with them for a little bit. Aubree asked, "Will you tell us a story about Jesus?" (They ALWAYS want me to tell them a story---which I usually just completely make up over the top funny stories about the adventures of Aubree, Nicholas and BelleBelle---and tonight they had their Wednesday night church class so she was a little more specific on the type of story)

I was thrilled, of course, so I started telling them about how Jesus "made everything but out of everything He made, His people are His very favorite! Just like NicNic has a favorite blankie!---What is NicNic's favorite blankie?" Both the twins shouted excitedly, "soccer blankie!!!" (He has a blanket with soccer balls on it and it is by FAR his favorite!) I said, "that's right! and that is his very favorite out of ALL his blankies! Just like the soccer blankie is NicNic's favorite, Jesus' favorite thing out of EVERYTHING He made is His people! He loves His people more than the sun and the moon and the trees and the animals!" Nicholas said, "and Jesus is in my heart!" I said, "yes, that's right! Becasue He loves you and you love Jesus so He is in your heart."

Then Nicholas tipped his chin to his chest and looked at his "heart" then grabbed at it with his hand pulling on his skin. He said, "Mommy, I want my heart to be bigger so Jesus can come out of it and play with me!" Oh, it made me giggle! I had to ask him to repeat it so he did. Then he asked, "When Jesus comes out of my heart He makes my heart bleeb." (translation: "BLEED") I smiled and said, "your heart bleebs?" He said, "Yes. It's too ouchie. It's ouchie when Jesus comes out of my hear. I want my heart to be bigger." I told him that "Jesus is very special and He can do very special things. He can be out of your heart and play with you AND stay in your heart and take care of you all at the same time!" I knew he wouldn't understand so I was already preparing a simpler answer but then realized I didn't need one when he just simply said, "Oh." and truly seemed content with that. It just made me realize how significant and profound are the simple verses telling us that we must be as children. How is it that a 3 year old understands something that my own educated mind has a hard time grasping!?

Blood to Grace- A granddaughter's lesson of redemption

Okay, so I just wrote this and it is REEEEEAAAALLLLYYYY long! I don't have pictures but will put some on it tomorrow to help break it up!
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So, I've been grieving for my grandfather a lot lately. It's kind of strange actually as it has been exactly 2 years already since his passing. Even stranger that I have been missing him so much even though the last ten years we lived on opposite sides of the country. The last 2 weeks particularly I have truly missed him (even his famous grumpy grouchy ways) and I did not even realize that we are at the 2 year mark until seriously like 10 minutes ago when I was settling down to start typing this out. About 2 weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work when I looked up and saw a picture that was taken the last time I saw him. I was pregnant with the twins and had gone back to Georgia with my immediate family to visit all the rest of my family! After having been there for a few days, we were getting ready to leave and we all knew that it could possibly be the last time we saw him so it was so important to take pictures...and we took a lot! and i am so glad we did although he did live another 18 months after that. (yes, I did just use my fingers and amazing math skills to calculate that!- bc it takes "amazing math skills" to do the kind of math you use your fingers to do. haha!) The picture on my desk is one we took and it is of me with my slightly bulging belly and my mamaw and grandaddy.

That day as I sat at my desk working on busy assignments, I saw that picture and immediately my eyes watered up although I am not typically a crier but for some strange reason it just hit me that day. I was not sad about his passing, I am confident he is now in Heaven with our precious Lord. I wasn't even sad for my own self not having him around, I had already gotten used to him not being close by due to our living separation. It was kind of one of those things that I guess only people in this situation can understand. Quickly I thought of 2 specific things that immediately made my eyes water though I could not be sad about them, only a strange feeling of...I don't know...loss, grief? They seem so different from sadness in this instance. It's difficult to explain how I grieve but during it I am still joyful and happy and not a bit sad about it. I always thought that would be a contradiction but now I find it makes perfect sense? Does it make sense to you? I hope so bc I am moving on. :) Those 2 things that made my grief bubble up were as follows:

1. My grandfather's life was so full of stories. I remember growing up and listening to him tell the stories. As I look back I wonder if some were even true but as he always seemed so strong and sure, I choose to believe they all are. The one about my great...[not sure how many "greats"]...great grandmother who was cherokee and she was sitting in a chair watching a storm out the window and got struck by lightening. (I'm really not sure of any of the details of that story though he may or may not have told me...I was VERY little when I remember him telling it, but I remember him telling me that it happened and however my mind may have mixed up the story from a little child to now, I do know that he said she was so many "greats" up there and got struck through a window. IT is the very picture I have in my head.) I remember him telling me about how somewhere up in our line, another great[...]great grandmother ran over her husband with a wagon and although I can't remember why, I remember that it WAS intentionally. So, I know it's a horrible thing to have a murderer in the family stories, but as it was no fault of his nor mine, it does make for interesting stories. There are so many more about him when he was younga and all the way up through his life, many that he shared and many that were shared by others about him. The part of grief inthese is that I can't remember some of the details anymore and he is no longer here to remind me. Like I said, I truly have no feelings of sadness, it is just more of a..."oh, I wish he was here to remind me what happened with such and such!" So, that is one thing that made my grief well up was the reminder that I may never know those things again

2. I was 4 months pregnant with Annabelle when he passed. Only a couple of weeks before, my mamaw had been out here in California for my little sister's wedding and while she was out here, I found out we were having a girl! I was ecstatic because we planned to name her Annabelle (which was my grandaddy's mom's name). Then my mamaw went home to find that he had worstened and within a couple short weeks, he passed. I talked to him on the phone only 1 week before he did. He could hardly speak as the emphyzema was suppressing every breath he needed just to utter a sound. When I first called, he was able to briefly say his grandaddy things like, "hey baby" and "miss you" and "love you" but after only about 30-45 seconds, it was just quick sounds he made. As I do when I am overly nervous, anxious, sad or any other abundance of emotion, Ijust began rambling non-stop about pretty much everything that happened in the last so many days or weeks of my life. I recognized that he couldn't even breathe enough to verbally respond so I just wanted to tell him everything I could so I could know that he knew. In all that, the one thing that even now I wish I could have said was about the only thing I did not say and it is the thing that very much grieves me when I think about him and that is that "I named my baby Annabelle after your mom". I don't usually tell people these thoughts bc they will just come back with the annoying comments that, "he knows now. He's looking down and sees her and he knows." I know they are well-meant but to tell you the truth, I hope he doesn't just look down and observe the goings-on of my life. I honestly hope that he is just soaking in every minute of the Lord and if there is still a connection with me, I hope it is not to see what I named my kids, rather I hope that any connection with my life is in intercession for me and all our generations! THAT is what I hope he is doing more than listening and waiting to see what I will name my baby. But even though I fully hope that is how things are, it is only for the earthly reasons that I do wish I had been abe to tell him her name. As I have already said many times though, it is not in sadness, it is simply something that I just think would have been cool for him to have known.

But then I think, she will always know who he was, the bad and the good bc it was all of the bad and the good together that has brought blood to grace! That is what the sacrifice of Christ was. To show us that Grace is ALIVE! It is not just some idea or happy thought to make us fly away to a neverland, it is actual LIFE! It is such a powerful thing (I promise this all connects to my grandaddy, I am just getting really excited and jumping ahead here but I will connect it soon) when I think about how alive grace is and that BLOOD is the battery of life. Blood is what powers life and blood and grace were merged into ONE, our precious Savior, in order to save us from a life of separation from our amazing and loving and beautiful Father and Creator! Just as blood battery-powers life, it also supercharges Grace in us as a transfusion that we can be ALIVE and our blood can flow again! This whole process happens not just bc of the good in our lives but also bc of the bad. (Now here is the connection) You see, my grandaddy had a lot of tragedy, a lot of struggles and difficult times in his life. It breaks my heart some of the stories of what he went through. But then when I think about those things and I see the Lord unraveling the strings in the chaotic tapestry of his life, it is so simple to recognize the hand of Grace that was even in those bad things.

Had he not had those things in his life, I would not be the person I am today nor would any "greats" of my own descendants. It brings to mind the age-old question, if there is a God and He is good, then why do bad things happen? Well, I am sure we can all come up with answers to that but the simplest one to me is so well demonstrated in my family history. Bad things happen bc worse things COULD happen. My ENTIRE FAMILY for ALL generations COULD be condemned for all eternity bc we are ALL born of sin and are ALL sinners. That is the WORST thing that could happen! But GRACE, oh good and lovely Grace! Grace so blessedly allowed bad things to happen! Grace allowed my grandfather to grow up in an imperfect home and allowed so many bad things to happen to my grandfather and allowed him to fall into such a desperate horrible pit. Grace brought bad influences into his life and grief into their home. Grace was determined to go to all lengths for LOVE! All this bad drove a stake into the ground screaming "ENOUGH!" Because of these things, my father turned whole-heartedly to the Lord for salvation and determined in his heart to spend every moment of his life in pursuit of our most holy and righteous Lord! To not settle for "good" but to strive for RIGHTEOUS and to pursue it not only for himself but for all generations. Had this "good God" been what the world thinks He should be, then He would not have allowed these bad things to happen, all generations of my family would have been perfectly content with life and not one person in all our history (and I must say yours as well) would have ever had any need for God. We are the ones who chose sin and as well, separation from our Father and so, now, we have "bad" as evidence that our God IS indeed a good God bc if bad did not exist, then there could be no good. You have all heard for every action there is an equal opposite reaction? That is what bad is. And to tell you how "bad" things can get....well, as good as GOD is, there is an equal opposite bad. It's a bummer to say the very least, but if you have followed me this long then hopefully you will understand this that BAD is a driving force for desperation. As I mentioned before, Grace will go to all extents for LOVE! The Lord loved my grandaddy so much that He determined to have his heart and sent in a flood of difficulties to isolate him and bc of that, my grandaddy turned his life over to the Lord! Bc of the Lord's greatness, His brilliant grace even extended to my father who, in a different way was drawn to him at a much younger age as a result of those same difficulties that isolated my grandaddy. It's amazing how the exact same things can effect 2 different people in 2 totally different ways yet still have the same outcome. So is the brilliance and creativeness of our God! If you don't understand any of that, I'm sorry, it's already well past midnight and I am simply marvelling at the way things worked out. And now, I am a third generation follower of our precious Lord! Like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph, I know with confidence that my children and all generations will reap the blessings of all the suffering endured by my grandaddy as well as the determination of my own father to turn the life of an entire linage around, all of which has served to secure their lineage in our faith! I know that every descendant has to make the choice to follow God on their own, but the generational reversal began my own father as a response to his own father's life is tremendous! When we were ALL once condemned by patterns and generational transfer, we are now blessed with hope by new patterns and generational transfer. Same methods, different goals, TOTALLY new results!!!

I hope if nothing else, that what you will take from this is that God's grace is sufficient no matter what you have been through or done and also that when bad things happen, see them as evidence of a good God and praise Him that He loves you so much that He will go to all lengths to win your heart! He is Creator of ALL things and He loves His creation but most of all He longs to be with His people and will allow even bad things to happen to secure your heart for eternity! He is Grace and He is Hope and He is Love and if you can see this, then your outlook on all things good and bad will be so changed that you will be able to walk through trials and tribulation with confidence and determination that will set you apart from those who falter and fall. Praise You Jesus for You endured the greatest trials of all and You overcame that we might also be overcomers with You!

**PLease, if you have never given your life to Jesus Christ or if you have questions regarding anything I have shared or have a hard time understanding something I have written, please email me at destinyciera5@gmail.com  **