For my jaxon Jeremiah wetzel:
11/10/12 @ 7:16am
Well, I have been thinking about writing this for a few days now but kept putting it off bc I didn't really know what to write. I guess I'll just start by telling you your story up until now.
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On September 27th, I slipped and fell. I felt something pull in my right side as I had fallen pretty hard and all the way down to the ground. I was 4 1/2 months pregnant, 18 weeks 1 day to be exact. Over the following few weeks, I had several episodes of leaking but I thought I was only experiencing the weak bladder that so many women talk about having during pregnancy. I had never experienced it with my previous 2 pregnancies, but I had no other explanation so I brushed it off. Four days after my fall, I had my regularly scheduled ultrasound. The tech was a newbie and she had only recently finished her training so at one point during the ultrasound, she excused herself and returned moments later with another tech. He was her superior and she had brought him in because my cervix looked shortened. He checked and it also looked short to him. He moved on through the ultrasound to get all the other measurements and then went back for one final look and voila! My cervix looked normal. Whew! I thought I was in the clear for everything. Little did I know at that time that I had already been having several symptoms of pPROM without realizing it. I had never even heard of pPROM and had no clue what to pay attention to. I had no idea that the re-occuring onset of nausea (nausea that had disappeared almost 2 months prior to reappearing) I had been experiencing was signaling to me that something was wrong. I had no idea that my frequent leaking was actually amniotic fluid and not just an extremely weak bladder. I didn't realize that my constant feeling of bloating and pressure in my lower abdomen had nothing to do with my appetite. I spent some time on google looking up some of my symptoms but any negative conclusions I found, I brushed off thinking, "no, I'm sure I'm overreacting" and everything that said the symptoms were normal, I held onto because I thought, "I delivered TWINS full term! I had a second perfectly healthy pregnancy! I am a great at being pregnant!" I didn't think "it" could ever happen to me. I didn't think I would ever be that woman, that our family would be THAT family, that goes through the situation we were about to have to face.
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On October 18th, I suddenly started bleeding very heavily. I was 21 weeks, 2 days pregnant w you at that time. We rushed to labor and delivery but by the time we got there (an hour away) it had stopped. They examined me but never did an ultrasound and only found a little bit of dark blood so didn't take my situation seriously and after a few hours, they sent me home on bed rest. 1 week later I met with my doctor. (I was still lightly bleeding intermittently throughout that entire week) After an exam and ultrasound, he noticed my fluids were very low (in fact, barely any at all) but you were still very healthy. He sent me to a perinatologist (high risk doctor) the following week. When I met with the perinatologist, he examined you in great detail and determined that all of your anatomy was perfect and functioning well but that my fluids were, in fact, very low. He asked if I had been having any leaking but, of course, in all my naivety, I still had not put 2 and 2 together and thought if I were leaking, it would just somehow be and feel "different" than what I had been having. I thought leaking meant I would have puddles of water under me everywhere I went. I had almost constant bleeding though so the only thing I knew is I was bleeding. I didn't realize at the time that my bleeding wasn't JUST bleeding, it was also my amniotic fluids, in fact, it was PRIMARILY my amniotic fluids. So, in this oblivious state, I told him that no, I had not been leaking, only bleeding. Based on my answer, he decided you must be sick (possibly w parvo) and were retaining water but explained that that is normal and that once you recovered, the fluids would be released and be back to normal. He scheduled to meet with me again after a month to be sure that's all it was.
Well, the following Tuesday, (11/6/12) I got up that morning and went to the bathroom when blood gushed everywhere! I yelled frantically for Aubree to go get daddy! He called his mom to pick up the kids and he and I rushed back down to labor and delivery. The whole time I just knew they were going to send me back home. I could already feel that the bleeding had slowed and almost stopped again. Once we arrived at the hospital, a few hours of monitoring showed a healthy baby but an ultrasound showed that my fluids were "nearly absent" in the doctors words. They admitted me for full-time monitoring for what they at that time said would be "2 weeks". That day I was 23 weeks, 6 days pregnant. Once I was admitted to labor and delivery and hooked up to the monitors, they found I was having regular contractions. I was freaking out! They monitored my labor and said I had pPROM and explained what that meant. My water had broken prematurely. Without fluid, I was now high risk for infection and preterm labor and would most likely deliver within 4 days. (Nearly 80% of all women deliver within 4 days of their full rupture. Those who can hold out longer, most will deliver within 2 weeks. It is EXTREMELY rare to go longer.) The prognosis was not good at this time. In fact, I was told the head neonatologist would come by to visit and discuss our outlook as far as the babies NICU journey was concerned, however, when she came by, she simply dropped off the materials and suggested I not look at the information until we knew for sure if he would be born. The situation was so dire that she did not even want me to know yet. The biggest hurdle for pPROM babies is lung development. The amniotic fluid is what develops a baby's lungs so without it, the lung development stops. Our biggest goal was to stop labor and try to replenish my fluid. (When the water is broken, it will constantly leak out what is in the sac, however, by staying very well hydrated, there is a hope of maintaining some fluids at least) For the next 3 days I laid in the hospital bed monitored around the clock. The perinatologist decided I would remain there until delivery which would hopefully not be for 10 more weeks. (they would not let me go passed 34 weeks as it is a greater risk without fluid, but we wanted to get as close to 34 as possible) Finally, by the end of my fourth day in there, my contractions had stopped with the IV fluids long enough for them to consider me stable and you had gone 12 hours with no heart decells. (several times your heart rate dropped because you would roll on top of your cord and with no fluid to cushion it, your blood flow would cut off and drop your heart rate- this is called a decel)
Thursday night, I had my first good night with no bleeding. Friday they moved me into an antepardum room where I have more freedom and I'm no longer hooked up to any machines. (except for the twice a day monitoring they do for an hour each time every day) They've already given me 2 steroid shots to boost your lung development, IV fluids and a LOT of antibiotics to prevent infection (which causes preterm labor). Since my water is broken, infection becomes a high risk.
On Wednesday, we finally decided on your middle name! We chose Jaxon Jeremiah bc of the Scripture Jeremiah 1:5.
Then, this morning when I woke up, the Lord led me to read out the rest of the chapter and I was blown away to tears! You see, the day I was admitted was the very same day as the 2012 presidential elections. In fact, I didn't even get to vote. :(
As I was reading Jeremiah 1:5-19, it begins w God explaining to Jeremiah that God knows him and has a plan for his life. Then God Himself trains Jeremiah to recognize the prophetic visions that God gives him and then declare them. Then...God gives him a powerful word! He says the kingdoms of the north are going to set themselves up against Jerusalem. They will surround Jerusalem and exalt themselves. Jerusalem and Judah will appear to be helpless bc they will be surrounded but God is going to judge those kingdoms for their evil.
Then, He says my favorite part: (v7) "but you (Jeremiah), dress yourself for WORK!"
He is telling Jeremiah, 'this is gonna be a long, hard, tough process so get ready, have all your armor on and be PREPARED!'
"DRESS YOURSELF FOR WORK!"
Then, after this, He tells Jeremiah, "today I make you a fortified city, an iron pillar, and bronze walls"- He is telling Jeremiah, yes, it looks hopeless bc evil has encamped around all your walls and has set itself against you...but YOU are a FORTIFIED CITY, constructed by GOD! In other words, you will NOT be overcome nor conquered!
Kingdoms will come against Jerusalem, but He made Jeremiah to be the city of refuge. This makes me think of where our nation is right now. People are talking of possible civil wars in the next years or decades. Also, it says the kingdoms of the NORTH. Well, although evil is spread throughout our country, our federal government (and the stem of many political evils) is centered around our "NORTH". I believe the Lord is saying that those kingdoms (physical expressions of evil) are setting themselves against Jerusalem. Jerusalem is the city of God which means WE, the PEOPLE of God, ARE Jerusalem! So, therefore, the "kingdoms of the north" (the governmental evils) are setting themselves against the people of God and are surrounding the gates! They intend to destroy and decimate Jerusalem!
But...God has called Jeremiah to be a fortified city! A city that WILL NOT be destroyed! A city that will provide a refuge for the people of God! So, dress yourself for work Jeremiah! They WILL fight against you, but they will not prevail against you bc the Lord is with you to deliver you!
I believe on election day, you were so eager to fulfill this calling on your life that you forgot you needed to finish baking first! ;) the Lord is preparing a remnant to fight for this land and you have a major calling on your life to "dress yourself and work", Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
