What's in a name...

As we are at the 1-year mark for all of the pregnancy complications with my preemie, Jaxon, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on that experience and how it has changed my life so I will probably be posting primarily about all of that. If you are new to my blog, you can read my previous posts to find out more about our little man by clicking on the PPROM/NICU tab above but for a brief general overview: Jaxon is our fourth child. He was born 13 weeks premature after my water broke at 19 weeks, I was admitted to the hospital at 23 weeks, 6 days and I had placenta abruption at 25 weeks as well as gestational diabetes and PUPPS and then at 27 weeks I developed sepsis and delivered him via emergency c section. He spent 3 months in the nicu and is now 10 1/2 months old. Ok, now that you know that, the rest of my post should make better sense o you. :)

(Jaxon with his daddy at about 2 weeks old)

(Jaxon at around 10 days old in between his 2nd and 3rd intubations)



When I first went into labor with Jaxon at 23 weeks, 6 days, we did not have a middle name for him. In fact, we had only a week or two before decided on his first name. As I layed in my hosptal bed trying to get some rest as the doctor ordered, I began to toss and turn because I was so worried about the possibilities, so I did what I always do when I'm going through anything. I began to write. We did not know earlier that day that I would be admitted to the hospital so I did not have any of my things with me, but I did have my phone. I opened up the Notes app on my phone and began typing away. I had my Bible app and began reading and just really searching and asking the Lord to show me the purpose of this situation. I didn't question His ways or intentions for the things I didn't understand and I didn't ask "why me?", but I did tell Him that I needed His peace to hold my hand. The only way to find that peace was to understand how purpose can be revealed in such a seemingly dark situation. He never does anything without a reason. I needed to know how to seek Him in my situation. I needed the strength to step out in faith and remember that I can trust Him in everything! I found that strength. Right there in my hospital bed, bed pan on the counter next to me, IVs in my arm, right there in that room I found Him holding on to me. I felt His arms around me squeezing me, I saw His tears falling every time Jaxon had a heart decell on the monitor. He took no pleasure in my pain and He never rolled His eyes at me as if to say, "just get over it. I always take care of you, don't you get it by now?" He never said that. He just allowed me to grieve my situation and to feel my fears. I know it sounds strange to think that God allowed me to feel my fear, but He did. It was what I needed at that moment. I needed to feel the fear. It wasn't the fear of not trusting Him or wanting something different for my life. It was the fear that comes with loving someone so much! I loved my Jaxon with a fierce and unconditional love and I loved my Lord, my Savior, my Healer even so much more! I was not willing to let go of my love and trust in the Lord but in that, I had to accept that I did not know His plans for my Jaxon and because of that, I had to accept that I may have to lose that other secondary yet still so powerful love, my son. It was a fear of going through something that far exceeded any trial I had ever endured and not knowing if I had the strength to endure it. It was the fear of knowing that I did NOT have that much strength and knowing that because I did not, I would be solely and fully dependent on the Lord's strength because it was the only infinite source of strength in the universe. The only strength that would not fail. When I woke up the next morning (or I think it was morning, I did not have a window so all my days and nights ran ogether at that time) I opened my Bible app once again and I intended to look up the exact words for the verse Jeremiah 29:11, however, I had a temporary mental block and was thinking it was chapter 1. That brought me to another verse that is also familiar, Jeremiah 1:5. I read through the first 5 verses of chapter 1 and when I got to the end of verse 5, my face was soaked with tears. (here is the link to the post I typed out on my phone at that moment: Jaxon Jeremiah Wetzel ) I stopped and texted my husband very simply "Jaxon Jeremiah" and he wrote back immediately, "YES! I like it!" And from that moment, he was Jaxon Jeremiah. I then continued reading through the rest of the chapter and the more I read, the more peace began to fill me. I still did not know how Jaxon's story would go and even thought there was a good possibility it might end soon, but even at that thought, I had such peace and just knew that I was ready for what was to come no matter what it was. I knew that if our miracle looked like what we hoped it would look like, then all would be well but I also knew that if it didn't, if the road the Lord would have us travel was not one we would have ever wanted or even considered, then He would be my strength and He would be my comfort. I knew I was ready to continue on and take each day as it came but also knowing that whatever the possibilities, I was ready to accept it with joy. I know that sounds so hard and almost impossible, but such is the greatness of my God! Nothing is impossible with Him! Not even a mother's peace and joy in the midst of an impossible trial. I remember several times every single day for my month in the hospital people would say that they can't believe how calm and at peace I was. Even the nurses would look at me as if they wanted to remind me what a dire situation we were in. And that's not to say I was blissful and laughing and as happy as the ending of a Christmas movie, that's not it at all. I cried every day. I struggled with other things every day such as pains and a horrible rash on top of devastating news seemingly every day, but inside I had such a joy and peace that even through the tears, I knew I was blessed every moment. And I wasn't just settling for the cliche "every day is a gift/blessing". No, not like that. I TRULY LEGITIMATELY felt BLESSED that the Lord looked down and saw me and my family and desired a deeper purpose in our lives so much that He broke my water prematurely. That is seriously the way I saw it and still see it. How amazing that the Creator of all things would even know me and then, beyond that even, to choose me for such a thing! That the world had never even seen Jaxon's face, yet the One who carved the mountains and sprinkled the universe with color. KNEW him! CALLED him! CHOSE him! WOW! Who can know His ways? I feel like all of creation is a tapestry and through this experience, we have found our threads in that tapestry! 

Me on my hospital bedrest

Jaxon at 9 months old at home

 Jaxon at about 7 months at home

Jaxon at 9 1/2 months at home

Poem For My Jaxon Jeremiah

I wrote this about halfway through his NICU stay one day when I was sitting next to him in his isolette. He was not having a great day so I could not hold him that day so instead I started writing out my thoughts. This is what came out. It actually was incomplete for a long time. The last few verses were actually written weeks later.


My faith never wavered
Though hope had grown thin
As I sat and I waited
From the bed I was in

Seven long weeks
With the pain of not knowing
What the outcome would be
With your lungs now not growing

The numbers, the stats
The odds fully against you
In the chance I could help,
Many things that I went through

But the plans for your life
Far more than I'd known
The Creator of all things
Had chosen you, son.

He'd planned every moment
The joys and the grief
He held me to hope
Turned doubt to belief

My heart fully melted
When I first saw your face
I didn't see problems
I only saw Grace!

The pictures may tell
Of your struggle, your fight
But my witness accounts
Of the glorious might

Of a God who fights for you
And stands at your side
Every moment a whisper,
His voice as your guide.

I stood with you as you battled
But it was only yours to fight
Although you seemed so little
You were full of such might!

For 3 endless months
You overcame
Every obstacle you faced
And held true to your name

Jaxon- it means,
"Our God shows us grace"
And it's evident in
Your sweet smiling face

Jeremiah you are.
As the Lord gave to me
Jeremiah 1:5
A promise you would be!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."- Jeremiah 1:5

John 1:1-5
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

1John 4:4
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

PPROM Awareness Day - Our PPROM Journey!

(Jaxon at 2 months old- the first time he ever wore clothes)

Well, today is PPROM Awareness Day and it is also Jaxons 6 month birthday so thought I would share again about our PPROM experience and hopefully my story will help someone one day to recognize their symptoms sooner than we were able to.

On September 27th, I was 18 weeks, 1 day pregnant with Jaxon and i ran to the store to grab some milk and while in there, I slipped and fell hard on a water puddle scraping my knee and pulling a muscle in the side of my stomach. A few days later I had my 18 week scan and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. However, for the next couple weeks I had what I would later find out was leaking but at the time, I just dismissed it as a weak bladder. :) On October 18th, I was 21 weeks 1 day along, I woke up and went to the restroom and blood gushed everywhere! Hysterical, I yelled for Donny who immediately called his mom to come get the kids and we rushed to labor and delivery. I was shaking and crying the entire 1 hour trip there. I thought we had just lost our precious little boy. When we got to the hospital, the bleeding had stopped and his heartrate was strong. The doctors never did an ultrasound and I didn't know to insist on one at the time. As my bleeding had stopped by then, they didn't seem to believe me that it had been a lot and they sent me home with little more than the assurance that he had a good heartrate. Knowing he had not passed was enough to calm me though so we didn't push for any more than that. (Every single day for the rest of the pregnancy, i would have these bleeding episodes though that would sometimes last all day and night and sometimes only last a couple hours. )The next week I had a check up ultrasound with my doctor, whom I will call dr. T. He did a detailed scan to check for abruption, which is a big reason for heavy bleeding. The placenta looked good and I was not in any progressive labor so he finished up but let us look at our little guy for a second first. As we watched him moving around, I noticed that he did not have much fluid. (By my fourth child I've gotten good at reading these scans) :) I said, "does it look like his fluid is low?" He said, "no, his bottom is just pushed against the placenta." Then he moved it around a bit then said, "actually.....yeah it does look a little bit low" at that point he started moving it around and could not find very much fluid at all. From that scan, he referred me to perinatology. The next week I met with the awesomest perinatologist ever! I will call him Dr. Y. At this scan, he counted that my fluids were approximately 3cm where they were supposed to be between 11-20cm. He could find no problems with the baby's anatomy nor with me though, so couldn't quite figure out why it was so low but determined that perhaps our little Jaxon had contracted a virus and was retaining fluid causing the amniotic sac to have less. He said once he recovered it should release back into the sac and be fine so I was to see him again for follow up in 4 weeks, however, that appointment would never happen. A few days later, on November 6th, I woke up once again and had the most blood ever. Back to the hospital even though I knew they were not going to have answers so didn't want to go but Donny was determined that we were going and we were not leaving until we had definite answers! We got a much better L&D dr this time though. She immediately ordered an ultrasound and a swab test. The ultrasound showed that i had "no measurable fluid" and The swab confirmed that the "bleeding" I had been having was actually amniotic fluid tinged with a little bit of blood. I was immediately admitted and that day, they discovered I was in labor. I was only 23 weeks, 6 days at this time and my baby had a 3% chance of survival and less than 1% of survival without long term complications. My contractions were still far apart so with iv and absolute strict bed rest (and prayers from our ENTIRE church as well as churches in our network across the globe) after 4 days, they stopped and I was moved to antepardum on moderate to strict bed rest meaning I was able to get up to use the restroom and shower but that was it. I spent 26 days in my room. I had 3 rounds of steroids, several antibiotics (as infection risk dramatically increases without fluid and can be life threatening to both mom and baby) I had 2-3 ultrasounds a week for fluid count. my highest fluid count was 6cm and my lowest was 1cm but i pretty much always stayed around 2-3cm. As I had developed gestational diabetes from the steroids and bed resting, I also had a special diet and blood sugar checks 4 times a day. I also met with the perinatologist every morning Monday through Friday. At 25 weeks 1 day, the placenta began to abrupt. Labor began almost immediately but they quickly put me on iv and it stopped within about 12 hours of starting. Then at 27 weeks 2 days, labor began again. I was not panicked this time as I figured they would get it stopped as they had twice before, however hours passed and it was not subsiding. I went to sleep that night with constant monitoring, meaning I had two NST monitor things strapped tightly around my belly and was not able to move as I slept so they wouldn't lose the baby's heart. :( I also had the iv back on hoping it would work to stop labor again. By morning, the contractions had gotten stronger and closer so they gave me magnesium sulfate to help neural development bc it seemed delivery was going to be soon. We hoped the mag would also stop the contractions but after 6 hours, they got worse and worse until finally I reached 2.5cm and was rushed for emergency delivery. The delivery story and Nicu story are on my blog if you wanna read about those (click on the "pprom/Nicu" link on my blog.) every day I think "if I had known then what I know now...how different things could have been" but God had His hand in everything and even though my sweet boy struggled and had a hard fight, he is home and healthy and strong and as crazy as it sounds, I wouldn't change a bit of it! I'm so thankful for all the pprom moms I've met online who encouraged me all along the way. We were very fortunate. Many babies don't survive pprom that early. The biggest danger for pprom babies is lung issues. Amniotic fluid is what develops the lungs and during the late second and throughout the third trimester, babies learn to breathe by sucking in the amniotic fluid. We never made it to the third trimester but even during the lung development phase of the second trimester, Jaxon had very little fluid so, like most pprom babies, his lung development was stunted and not even developed to his stage of gestation. This is why he had such severe chronic lung disease and was on oxygen for his first 9 1/2 months of life. This is what usually ends up being too much for the sweet pprom babies who don't make it. My hope is that one day soon, all pregnant women will be made aware of pprom and taught to recognize early signs of it so they can get early treatment and care. As of now, there is no "fix" for it. Once the sac has ruptured, it cannot be mended. There is about a 1% chance it may reseal, but nothing that can be done to better the chances of it happening.  It is also not fully understood what typically causes it. some cases are a little clearer such as mine where i fell or some women who rupture from the strain of severe vomiting, but most women rupture in their sleep or while doing minimal activities. There are procedures that are thought to be helpful for replenishing the fluid but even those have other risks to the baby. Pprom is still not very widely researched, however, I am very grateful for an amazing foundation for pprom research, The Connor Wayne Combs Foundation, named for a precious pprom angel who did not survive his fight. The website for this organization is: www.cwcpprom.org

I am so blessed to have my pprom fighter still here with me but I pray those lives lost in the battle will not be lost in vain and that their stories and the stories of the survivors will make a difference for those yet unborn by bringing pprom into greater awareness within the prenatal world.

Here is my handsome guy today on his 6 month birthday!!! He is still on oxygen but we took it off for these pics to see his handsome face. Other than some delays and his oxygen, he is doing so amazing now!!! (And look at the bottom picture. That was one of his first preemie outfits. He wore it th first time at 3 months old and it swallowed him up and now look how much longer his legs are!

NICU (and PPROM)

I'm sitting here on day 61 in the nicu thinking how my sweet baby boy will be 2 months old tomorrow! In some ways I feel he should be so much older already but in some ways I just can't believe how quickly time has passed. Hopefully this time next month I will be able to write about his homecoming but right now, I just want to briefly share about our experience. The days are already running together, medications, machines, nurses....it all starts mixing together in a jumble of confusion so I'm glad I kept such specific updates on my Facebook. If I say something on this post that contradicts my Facebook log post, then just know that the Facebook one is totally accurate bc each post was made immediately after receiving doctors reports. :)

Well, the first few weeks of the nicu were about like getting into a fist fight with someone much bigger, stronger and more capable than you. You keep fighting and even if you get in a good blow, it doesn't seem to matter bc the retaliation punches hurt much more and seem to batter down that sense of accomplishment. It doesn't matter what anyone else's experience taught them, a nicu parents journey is alone and all lessons must be learned through their own experience. It's difficult to share in another persons success even if they "understand" bc all that matters to you is your own baby. Every preemie who has survived with no complications only adds to the positive side of the statistics which only means that the negative side of the statistics has more and more room to fill. Every unsuccessful story only shows what possibilities are ahead for your little one as they fight. It's much appreciated that people care enough to try to make you feel better, but it just doesn't do much to encourage a broken heart. People don't realize that they can't mend the heart if they're not the one that broke it. The first 3 weeks I battled post pardum depression, only I didn't know that's what it was. I could not get past the consuming thoughts that my womb was empty when it longed to be full of little jabs and flips as it should be, that my heart was laying vulnerable and clinging to life in an isolette an hours drive from me, that the future of my newborn that I had planned and prepared for with joy and excitement was now looking grim and bleak. At 27 weeks gestation, a newborn has many serious hurdles to overcome. The thing I learned during my weeks researching day and night while on hospital bed rest though is that bc of the condition that prompted Jaxons premature delivery, pProm (preterm premature rupture of membranes) Jaxon is not simply considered a "27 weeker". You see, during pregnancy, the amniotic sac,which the baby lives inside of, is sealed and filled with amniotic fluid that the baby sort of "swims in". During the second half of pregnancy, the baby uses that amniotic fluid for most all of its organs to develop, particularly the lungs. Well, bc I ruptured, (my water broke) I lost all my fluid. Weeks 18-28 are the most crucial lung, kidney and brain development stages but my water broke somwhere between 18-21 weeks which means his organ development from that time forward was stunted. Although he was born at 27 weeks gestation, bc of the loss of fluid, his organs were not likely to have continued developing at a "normal" rate after I ruptured so the first few weeks in the nicu were a guessing game to try and figure out just how much development actually was able to occur. Because I almost always managed to have small amounts of fluid and by the grace of God Jaxon was ALWAYS head down (an incredibly rare occurrence for a baby to maintain a head-down position for that many weeks at that stage of gestation) we knew that his lungs were further along than my rupture stage, but only time could tell just how far along they were able to develop. We were lucky that he was a big baby for his gestation because size does always help. The guess that remained pretty consistent by his doctors and nurses was that his lungs had developed to about the stage of a 25-26 weeker, which is REALLY good considering he was only 27, so they did manage to get most of their development accomplished in those extra few weeks he managed to stay inside me. A lot of pPROM babies are not so lucky to get that much.  I truly believe it was God who kept him head down during that time in order to save his life. Had he not had his head down, he would have not had the amniotic fluid around his mouth to be able to swallow it and his lungs may have possibly not even developed beyond the point I ruptured meaning he would very likely have not survived.

I feel so desperate for normalcy right now but in a strange way, I also feel blessed to be a witness to the fire and strength in my little guy. Every day of his life, I will tell him, "you can do ANYTHING! I have seen you hurdle right over the impossible and overcome!" There is something incredible about walking through this experience with him. I feel like I am watching miracles unfold right before my eyes every time I see him take in a breath and let it back out. I am so ready for this phase of his journey to be over with but I will never forget a moment of it for the rest of my life.

****The previous portion of this post was written the end of January. I never posted it as we were at that time still dealing with a very busy schedule. Below I have concluded with information I have gotten through all my research about pPROM***

PPROM is not a very widely known pregnancy condition. It is when a woman's water breaks before 37 weeks of pregnancy. Women who rupture 34 weeks or later tend to not think much of it beyond that their water just broke early. This is because although a 34 weeks baby is still likely facing nicu time, the prognosis is very good at that stage of pregnancy so there is not as much of a desperation for doctors to keep the baby baking.

***Please know that through my research, I have found that it is difficult to get consistent statistics as PPROM has not really been researched formally by any professionals. These statistics that I provide are the ones that I saw presented with the most frequency. Most statistics I have found are still really close but may just not be the exact same.***

Before 34 weeks, and particularly before 28 weeks, rupturing is SUPER rare. Rupturing before 37 weeks happens to 3% of pregnant women, however, happening before 24 weeks happens in less 0.04% and can be traumatizing for a mother, whether a first time mom or a veteran. As mentioned above, a baby who has little to no fluid has many setbacks beginning primarily with lung development. In a normal pregnancy, the beginning of the second trimester is a HUGE step in organ growth. The amniotic fluid is the main component in helping them in this phase. The baby is sealed in the amniotic sac which is filled with amniotic fluid. That fluid surrounds the baby's face and the baby learns to swallow the fluid and the urinate it back into the sac and then swallow it again and the cycle continues on and on throughout the entire pregnancy. This cycle is the process of growth and development for the brain, lungs, kidneys, bladder, stomach and liver. You never really realized how much work your body does when you drink a glass of water, huh? For the underdevloped baby in utero, the organs are made during the first trimester but they spend their following weeks actually learning to do what they were created to do, however, when a woman ruptures, she loses that fluid and the baby no longer has it to swallow meaning all the processes that should be developing with the fluid are halted. With great care, the pregnant woman can, through either IV fluid or drinking TONS of water every day, help keep small amounts of fluid in the sac but there is no guarantee that this super hydration will work as when there is a rupture, any fluids that go into the sac will come right back out through the hole in the sac. A baby born at any gestation who has had no fluid, has a high chance of having still underdevelopments with their organs because although they continued growing in utero, their organs may not have continued developing and "practicing" their functions because of the lack of fluid. This is strongly dependent on how much fluid was maintained post rupture as well as the gestation of rupture and gestation of delivery. For this reason it cannot be assumed that a woman who ruptures at 17 weeks and delivers at 36 weeks will have a healthy 36 weeks baby. Although making it so far does give the baby a much better chance with the statistics, it still must be considered how much fluid the mother had throughout her ruptured period. If she had no measurable fluid the entire time, there is a good chance that the baby's lungs were never able to develop and are no more developed than a 17 weeker, however, if there was plenty of fluid around the baby's mouth the entire time, there is a good chance that the baby could very well be nearly 36 weeks developmentally. If the fluids were back and forth then the development is likely to be somewhere in between 17-36 weeks developmentally. The primary organs affected by this condition are the lungs. This is because the lungs while in utero, must learn to expand and retract and their practice of this is fully dependent on the fluid swallowed. It is called "practice breathing".

PPROM is the primary contributor to pregnancy loss. Once a woman ruptures, there is a >60% that she will deliver within 4 days. Those who beat the odds are not expected to make it more than 2 weeks as a loss of amniotic fluid causes an incredible number of complications and risks to mother and baby.

I will continue this post at a later date but if you are interested in more facts about PPROM, please feel free to email me!

Home at last!

I am so excited for this next phase in my life! I feel like a world of opportunity has opened to me. Nothing ever seems to happen the way you plan and while that is usually not such a great thing, at this moment I am so glad that I am not the one that controls my life!

Jaxon at 13 weeks old on his DUE DATE (we took his oxygen off to get some good pics of his face)

My son has finally made it home to us! After 11 weeks and 1 day in the NICU, he has come home and is thriving and I couldn't be happier. Aubree, Nicholas and Annabelle as well because now we can re-establish some stability for them. It has been such a difficult thing to deal with not only because of having to see my newborn struggling for his life for so long, but also because of how it has affected my other 3 kids.

Left to Right: Annabelle (2), Jaxon (13 weeks), Nicholas (4), Aubree (4) -it's impossible to get one of them all looking :)

Every single day for over 3 months, they spent a large number of hours at someone else's house. We are so blessed to have an amazing family that we are very close to who helped so that they never had to go to someone's house that they didn't know or were not comfortable with, but regardless, it is very difficult for 2 and 3 year olds to not be with their mommy and daddy every day. It has been almost 3 weeks since he came home now and while he did come home on oxygen, he is doing so well and growing and getting stronger every day! He really truly is my miracle! His sisters and brother love him dearly and have adjusted to these crazy changes better than I ever dreamt possible making me wonder every day how Donny and I possibly managed to hit the jackpot 4 times!!! So, I know that is a very brief and vague update, particularly as following the details I have previously written, so I apologize but I just wanted to share some pictures of our last few months and let everyone know where we are at with Jaxon right now.

The exciting new "phase" of my life that I previously mentioned is that, beacuse of Jaxon's special needs and delicate health, Donny and I have decided that I will quit my job and stay home with my children. Not that I didn't love being home with them, but I have always LOVED working and even all through my school years I dreamt of being a career woman and have always been focused on my own goals and now...my perspective has been so totally transformed that I have no desire for the way to live my life stronger than to be home with my children and teaching and playing and loving on them all day! I am so excited for this opportunity. I am super nervous about it because I never even gave a thought to being a stay at home mom and because I am a PLANNER and like to think through every possible outcome of every decision I make, it is hard for me to so suddenly change every plan I made for myself but I know my husband will enjoy this as well.

We will see if things work out the way I am planning or not, but with me staying home, I am planning to do a lot more writing. Hopefully start putting the children's books together that I have been planning for years now. *If anyone has any connections to publishers, please let me know!!* ;)  I will be posting my writings for them on here as I get it together and I would appreciate any and all feedback I can get for them so please continue checking in and also sharing them with friends and family when I get them up. (The best way is to subscribe to my blog so you get the posts when I put them up) Anyways, thanks for all the prayers for our family over these difficult last several months! Blessings to all of you!

Here are some photos from over the last few months:

Jaxon at 1 day old- he was intubated then extubated for 2 days so I was able to hold him :)

Jaxon at 4 days old (had to be reintubated)

Mommy and Jaxon at about 6 weeks old

Jaxon's decorated incubator

(I made his little nameplates and the teddy bear is from Memaw and Papa)

His EEG at about 6-7 weeks

This is at about 9 weeks old

Finally home to meet sisters at 11 weeks

His new baby blanket/quilt- 13 1/2 weeks

Poem is a Poem

This was the first poem I ever published. I wrote it my freshman year in high school for a poetry project for my english class. I had to make a poetry notebook with like 10 of them written by myself and of course I procrastinated so the day before it was due, I hit the paper hard to throw together some poems. As I got towards the end, I couldn't think of anything anymore and then I started playing with the idea that I couldn't write a poem. That is how I came up with it so I wrote it, turned it in and it ended up being the winning poem for the class. My teacher selected it to represent our class in the school's freshman poetry contest. (I don't remember if it won or not) Soon after that, I submitted it to a national poetry contest and won an honorable mention and a request to publish in a poetry text. I was given the opportunity to present it at a national poetry convention where the winner would win a $25,000 scholarship. Unfortunately, the convention was in a different state so I was not able to attend it but I did approve it to be published. Somewhere, perhaps lost in all my old packed away items, is the volume information for the book it is published in and the certificate of publication but as I was only 14 years old, I never took great care of anything like that so it could just as well have been thrown in the trash years ago. :( I took a lot of pride in this poem though because I have also used it to win 2 other contests over the years as well. It is also the only one of my published poems that I still have and that is only because it was short enough that I managed to memorize it. Most of my poems are stories, some over a page long so this is the only one I have ever memorized. I have 4 others that have also been published but they are long lost and never to be remembered. Hopefully one day I will come across the notebook with the paperwork for them in it so I can find them once again.

But for now, here is "Poem is a Poem"

I know not what to write of,
I know not what to feel
For all the things I think of
Seem to be unreal.

To write a silly poem
About a breezy beach,
Flowers in a meadow,
Or stars out of my reach...

When I think of all these things
Not one provokes a thought.
So I will not write a poem
Though I know I really ought.

Jaxon Update Log- updates on Jaxon's pregnancy and 1st month as posted via facebook

This post is extremely long! It is a log of all my status updates through facebook regarding Jaxon over the course of the 3 months beginning with the pregnancy complications to his first month in the NICU. If you would like to read about the specifics of the complications and his delivery, please see the other 2 posts about him. The first one is entitled "Jaxon Jeremiah" and the second is entitled "Jaxon's Arrival"

OCTOBER 2

"Holy cow I'm anxious! What do you think it's gonna be??? We shall know in an hour. (think in more anxious over this one than the first 3. Probably because this is the verdict that establishes my family forever! Today I find out what my final family count is) :)"

"Ok, since my husband jumped the gun..........it's a boy!!!!!!!"

OCTOBER 8

"Took kids to the park yesterday and nic wanted to play on the teeter-totter but aubree and belle were on the slides. Nic sat their yelling, "can my ~TWIN~ come play w me!!??!!?! I want my ~TWIN~ to play with me!!!!! Mommy, make my TWIN come play with me!!!!!!" so I went to aubree and said, "aubree, nickle wants his twin to play with him. Who do you think he means?" and she put her finger to her lips and looked up as if thinking then pointed to another little girl and said, "maybe she can be his twin!" (so, I guess having a twin doesn't ALWAYS mean you have a buddy)"

"Alright people! I need baby boy names! Give me what you got! :)"

OCTOBER 9

Destiny shared Donald Wetzel's photo.

Poor dog she won't let go

"Annabelle's new toy! she's always loved stuffed animals, now she's decided they got nothing on the real thing"

OCTOBER 14

"my last week of school! whew! hasn't been so bad. well, one quiz and one final due this week so, maybe i should wait until next week to decide for sure."

"Just love feeling baby J moving inside! kicks are getting so strong now, i'm hoping he's gonna be at least a 10 pounder!! 4 months to go..."

OCTOBER 16

"Santa backdates gifts now!!! He is so awesome! Just his way of helping people suffering from the econmy :)"

OCTOBER 18

"For everyone asking, Jaxon's heartrate was good and everything looked good. They are not really sure what was going on but scheduled me an appointment with my doctor for next week and gave me instructions to take it easy and rest (and Donny is being amazing to help make sure that happens with the kids and house and all) but all in all, his heartrate was great so I am so happy about that! I believe it is totally a God thing too! Thank you so much for your prayers!!"

PRIVATE MESSAGE SENT:

October 18

Hey! Yesterday morning I woke up bleeding. We went down and they admitted me into labor and delivery but after monitoring and checking for a few hours the bleeding had stopped and everything looked great and they couldn't find what caused the bleeding in the first place. Everything seems great now but they wanted me to still take it easy until my doctor can check everything out and confirm

It's funny that the twins pregnancy was actually my most UNeventful pregnancy! Donny doesn't work the next few weeks though so at least he's home to help w things.

October 31

So, saw the perinatologist. My fluids are really low. He checked baby's anatomy and everything looked great so he is not sure why it is depleting. Said it is possible that the baby contracted parvo which caused him to retain fluids meaning less fluid in the sack but that he should be fine because parvo is not dangerous to babies so once he recovers then the fluids will be released again. He is going to meet back with me in 4 weeks because he said it should only take about a week or 2 for the fluids to regulate if that is the reason. At my 18 week scan my fluids were great so he knows that it has only been the last few weeks and he asked if I have been leaking any fluids and I told him not enough that I have noticed, he thinks that the baby being sick is the best answer. They took me off bedrest (well, I think at least...he didn't say I had to stay on it) so basically he will just check in a few weeks but since baby's anatomy is good, he didn't seem too concerned. (oh! and he said that when an in-utero baby gets sick that sometimes it irritates the placenta and the placenta's reaction is to release small amounts of blood so it would also explain the intermittent bleeding)

OCTOBER 20

"Could really use some more prayers. After being discharged from labor and delivery Thursday afternoon (after about 3 hours of monitoring) I've been taking it easy as directed but now I'm having the same issues again. Waiting to see if they subside again before heading back down. Please pray they do and that it is unrelated to baby Jaxon's health! (I'm only 21weeks, 3days- so waaaay too early to have to be concerned!) thanks for your prayers!!!"

"I mentioned to donny about us cleaning up the backyard for the puppy because I'm nervous the feisty little guy might find a black widow to challenge. Donnys response: "he has a better chance with a widow than with our kids" .......true, so I let him back out."

"well well, just want to announce to everyone that I am officially done with my class and am happy to announce that despite the crazy week i have had, I still managed to get a B on my final and therefore the class!!! YAY! I feel so elated now!"

OCTOBER 21

"don't u just love when someone calls you and you just BARELY miss the call but call them right back immediately and they don't answer..."

OCTOBER 22

"Day 5 of bed rest. Agh!!! I made it full term with twins without even a day of it. I don't know how any of you moms who had to do it for an extended period even managed. I'm going NUTS! I'm so sick of watching tv, reading, Facebook and pinrerest. I just wanna go to work or clean something!! (and I can't believe I just said that!)"

"so it begins...kids are all in bed when belle comes running and screaming and crying to Donny, "a monster! the monster gonna bite my feet! I scary!" and is hysterical about this ~monster that's gonna "bite her feet"~. After asking her why she thinks that, she tells Donny that NicNic told her the monster is gonna bite her feet. Little stinker! Nickle came out and confessed to the crime and had to assure his sister that there is no monster and he was just messing with her. Oh goodness! The poor little girl. She is still standing here saying, "there's no monster. Monster is all gone!" as if she's trying to convince herself :("

OCTOBER 23

"my mom is so amazing! just had my first outing in the last several days. she took me to the pumpkin patch. LOVING this weather!!!"

OCTOBER 24

"Ok, so I definitely have the most amazing big sis EVER!!! Just sorted through 3 years of baby clothes and carted away 9 full garbage bags of them to deliver to different people for me and also organized my kids closets for me! Seriously, if anyone needs organizing, you should TOTALLY hire her! She's amazing!"

OCTOBER 25

"Update: had my apt this morning and my dr couldnt find the cause so he is having me meet w a perinatologist. That apt is Tuesday so a few more days of rest and "taking it easy" and then hopefully they will figure it out. (if you'd like details please pm me, I don't wanna post them here) thanks for all the prayers!"

"So sad when u get so excited that gas is "only" $4.15"

OCTOBER 31

"I was about to message this to everyone who keeps asking but then didn't want to miss anyone because I appreciate all of your concerns and prayers so I am just going to post it here so everyone can see:

So, I saw the perinatologist. My fluids are really low. He checked baby's anatomy and everything looked great so he is not sure why it is depleting. Said it is possible that the baby contracted parvo which caused him to retain fluids meaning less fluid in the sack but that he should be fine because parvo is not dangerous to babies so once he recovers then the fluids will be released again. He is going to meet back with me in 4 weeks because he said it should only take about a week or 2 for the fluids to regulate if that is the reason. At my 18 week scan my fluids were great so he knows that it has only been the last few weeks and he asked if I have been leaking any fluids and I told him not enough that I have noticed, he thinks that the baby being sick is the best answer. They took me off bedrest (well, I think at least...he didn't say I had to stay on it) :) so basically he will just check in a few weeks but since baby's anatomy is good, he didn't seem too concerned. (oh! and he said that when an in-utero baby gets sick that sometimes it irritates the placenta and the placenta's reaction is to release small amounts of blood so it would also explain the intermittent bleeding)

so...I thought it was interesting because he told me something I didn't know, that babies in-utero can contract sicknesses even ifit passes straight through the mother's immune system. This is why it is important for pregnant moms to get flu shots. ...just thought that was interesting."

NOVEMBER 6

"Please pray for us everyone! I'm 24 weeks tomorrow but we are back in labor/delivery. It looks like my water may possibly be broken but still waiting for the detailed ultrasound to see. A little nervous but not scared. Just always trying to see what the Lord is working on! Need jaxon to bake another 3 months! :)"

"Update: looks like I will have about 2 weeks of hospital bed rest. I'm in a nice big room so that's good. Perinatologist will come in the morning and give us more info. Got steroids and antibiotics in to help develop baby's lungs and prevent infection just in case."

"Aw! Just got some flowers! Suddenly the hospital isn't so horrible! Thank you Taylor family! You guys are such an amazing blessing to my family always!"

"‎?????? !!!!!!! ?!?!?!?!?!"

NOVEMBER 7

"Been up over an hour now, was hoping interesting things had been posted by friends to entertain me while confined here, then realized its 3am and the people who are up at this hour NEVER post anything interesting."

"Dang it! Just realized the hospital never set the clock back and it's actually only 4:30!!!!!"

"Update: well, it's official. I'm here until delivery. My delivery date moves up 6 weeks so I will deliver (in the doctors words) "not a day later than 34 weeks". Hopefully he will make it all the way until then! Have to stay on constant monitoring for the next 24 hours bc of a few dips in heartrate but that is not too concerning bc it always goes back up immediately but then hopefully we will move to antepardum (sp?) where I will have a little more peace. Please keep us in prayers! Jaxon needs to make it to at least 28 weeks which is still 4 weeks away. For prayers, pray that no infection will set in and also that his heartrate remains strong. These are most important! Thank you everyone for prayers! If you're in or around Fontana, come visit me! :)"

"This is difficult. I'm going against all instincts by not researching preterm birth complications. My whole family will be shocked to know not only have I not googled it, but I also set aside the pamphlet the dr just gave me without even reading it. I'm amazing myself!"

"Ok, I'm taking over ALL of your facebooks. If u want to avoid this for the next 3 months, unsubscribe from me now! ;)

But now i wanted to say, We have a middle name!!!:

Jaxon Jeremiah wetzel

Jeremiah 1:5 (ESV) 5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.""

NOVEMBER 8

"Update: last night we had a LOT more fluid leak but only tiny amounts throughout the morning so that's better. I'm still in the high-monitoring room however they are working on limiting it to see if I can work towards getting moved to antepArdum. I'll now have 2 ultrasounds a week, 2 blood draws a week (to check hemoglobin count) and daily heartrate monitoring but off all IVs so that's a plus!!! Keep praying, still got a lot of time we need him to bake here! Thank you everyone for praying!"

"Hi everyone! So, due to an increase in my monitoring, just have to ask everyone to call or text before u visit. If u don't have my number, u can private message me. Thanks! And keep praying. Still got a long road ahead"

NOVEMBER 9

"Update: we had a great night! Got a lot more sleep than I've been getting. My first night this week that I didn't have any big issues. No decells, only light leaking. Had ultrasound and there is a total of just over 3.5cm (which is still really low but a little higher than its been) so I'm excited about that! Still hoping the tear will reseal but even if it doesn't, God knows what He's doing and Jaxon Jeremiah belongs to Him anyways so fully trusting and depending on my BIG and GREAT God to take care of me and my baby boy! We have now been moved to a better room

And I have a window now!!!! 9 weeks, 5 days to go! Keep praying!"

"Yay!!!!!! I get to see my beautiful aubree in just a few hours! Haven't seen my babies since Tuesday morning so this mamas gettin a bit crazy! Can't wait til she gets here!"

"Psalms 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

"Prayer for tonight: I'm breaking out in a rash. Please pray it stops!! EXTREMELY itchy and uncomfortable! Thank you!"

NOVEMBER 10

"Update: great night of sleep last night! Heartrate was great this morning! Donny's bringing me del taco! Thankful for another beautiful day! Wish I could experience a beautiful cold day in the desert (my absolute favorite) but thankful I can at least see it out my window :)"

"Well, I'm so far behind but since I got nothing else to do, here goes,

1. I'm thankful for my amazing Lord Jesus who loves me and protects/cares for me

2. I'm thankful for an incredible husband who takes amazing care of me

3. I'm thankful for my firstborn, aubree faith for being the little spirited bubble of joy she is

4. I'm thankful for my handsome, intelligent Nicholas William and his little teasing humor

5. I'm thankful for my baby girl Annabelle Jayde and her stubborn, shy and sweet little self

6. I'm thankful for my parents who raised me to love the Lord first in everything and to trust Him

7. I'm thankful for my sisters and brothers who are my very best friends and always try to make sure I'm stress free and taken care of

7. I'm thankful for all my amazing friends (even many of u I have never met personally) but u are all such a blessing to me!

8. I'm thankful for all my extended family and that u care enough to stay in constant touch w us over a lot of distance!

9. I'm thankful for great medical insurance! ;)

10. I'm thankful for all the (p)PROM moms I've met in the last few days who have shared their amazing stories of their pprom babies' survival and health! It's the most encouraging thing I can have right now

So much to be thankful for!!!"

NOVEMBER 11

"Psalms 103:1 Of David. Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

"Ugh! Still got this stupid itching! Going crazy! Please! Just-stop-itching!"

Everyone please pray that infection will stay away. Apparently I'm allergic to

Some of the antibiotics and since they don't know which ones, they're taking me off them all. Now I have to just be super aware of any signs of infection. So far I don't have one but we have to keeping that way for several more weeks now! Thanks for prayers"

"So Jaxon means "son of a gracious God"

My itching is gone and the rash will be soon too. Thank You Jesus for an amazing nurse who is really going over and beyond to make me comfortable!!! (her name is Karen for anyone delivering in Fontana- you will want to request her!)"

"Fyi: pinterest is NOT good when you're stuck in a hospital! Too many delicious looking recipes that make me hungry but can't make it!"

NOVEMBER 12

"Ultrasound a little later so please pray that Jaxon's fluids have increased!!! I'm extremely hopeful that they have, but it's all in the Lord's hands and I'm even more hopeful in that! He's so good, through easy and difficult times He is good!"

"So proud to have a veteran brother! Thank you to all our veterans and their families for their sacrifices and service!"

NOVEMBER 13

"I've officially completed week 1, only 9 more to go..."

"Question: what is One Direction?"

"Well, the reason I haven't updated is bc radiology hasn't yet posted my results even though they did it around 9:00 this morning! My nurse has been great trying to push them to hurry up but now they are telling her that the dr will give me the results during her rounds in the morning. :( I'm sure everything's fine though bc if anything were bad they would be doing something about it. I'll update as soon as they know"

NOVEMBER 14

"25 weeks today!!!!! Yay for me and Jaxon Jeremiah for making it another week! :) thank You Jesus"

"Update: so, there really wasn't much to update after all. :) good news is the fluids didn't really decrease, but they didn't increase either so I'm still around 3.5cm. But that's ok bc it means he still has some fluid to help his lungs! Just bc s lot of u keep asking, even if I were to reseal and fluids dramatically increase, they still will not send me home. The risk of me re-rupturing is too high. I know a lot of u were praying I would be able to come home but I am perfectly fine w that. After all our scares, I would rather be here knowing that it's the safest place to be for Jaxon whether we have days, weeks or months. Please just continue praying that no infection sets in, his heart rate remains good and my mind remains at peace. Thank you everyone for caring for and living us do much! We are so blessed by you all!"

NOVEMBER 15

"Somebody play words with friends with me! My username is DestinyCiera"

"Amazing how I seriously don't feel anything at all when they draw blood anymore"

NOVEMBER 16

"Update: well, fluids are still decreasing. Last Friday they were 3.9, Tuesday they were 3.1 and today we are at 2.8. BUT....his heartrate has been perfect since Friday and he is playing football in my stomach like a pro! So, we're still doing great, no signs of labor or infection and I am so glad we are pulling our way through week 26! (I'm 25 weeks, 2 days today) just under 3 weeks to get to our next milestone!!! Keep praying! I'm hoping for fluid increase on tuesday! I'm drinking water like its a black Friday deal (haha! Just heard that on tv today)"

"Anyone know how I can watch person of interest episode from last night? They don't replay episodes online and I fell asleep before it came on last night. Or does anyone know if it replays during the week?"

NOVEMBER 17

"Yaaayyy!!!! I have my favorite nurse again today! Hope none of her other patients go into labor bc they keep taking her from me"

"So glad my mother in law got me a big pack of twinkies before all this craze!!! It's kinda funny to me though that for years everyone has made fun of me that I love twinkies and now suddenly they're the hot item! ;)"

"I've already been asleep for almost 6 hours now...pretty sure I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight"

NOVEMBER 19

"I have to drink 96oz of fluids today! Ugh! For most people that wouldn't be too big of a deal but I am super horrible at at keeping really hydrated, i just don't like drinking anything unless I'm snacking. Ultrasound is tomorrow though and since my fluids have been steadily dropping my nurse is hoping this new goal will boost my numbers!!! It's worth it. Pray it works!"

"Glucose test....ick!"

"Waiting for my man and my mini man and soooo excited they're spending their afternoon w me!!!!!!! First time I've seen my little pickle since being admitted two weeks ago"

NOVEMBER 20

"‎2 weeks down, 8 to go!! Tomorrow I will be 26 weeks which means only 2 more til I reach our next milestone!!!! Had ultrasound this morning and although she wouldn't tell me anything, she did turn the screen so I could see. Everything is hard to understand bc they use weird abbreviations and symbols for everything but I know there were 4 pockets of fluids that were measurable bc I saw her measure them and they all looked decent sizes. Then on her report page, I think the spot that calculates the fluid said a 6. Like I said, it's hard to tell bc everything is like another language, but I'm hoping I'm right. If so, that's the highest I've had in over a month!"

"Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm do excited!!!"

"Oops didn't mean to hit post, but I'm just so excited! Jaxon is head down and bc of his position, he has plugged the hole and now my fluids have doubled!!! I have 6.9cm and he is 2pounds! The Lord is so good!!! He is so faithful and wonderful! Jaxon is doing great! He now has enough fluids for his lungs to do great! Praise You Jesus!!!!! Pray that he stays plugging the hole so the fluids can keep rebuilding. Also, I failed my glucose test so I have to do the 3 hour one so pray I pass it. My nurse said all 4 of her other antepardum patients have the diabetes and that it's more common for bed rest patients but I really don't want to have to deal w it so pray I pass!!!"

NOVEMBER 21

"Just sat here for the last hour writing an entire blog post and went to save and the whole thing got deleted!!! :-( it was really good too. Now I'm mad at my blogger app"

"‎3 hour glucose test is now in process. Pray I pass!!!!!! If I fail it means special diet and finger pricking every day and I really don't wanna add that to everything else"

"So, done w my glycine test. Now have to wait for the results. Pray I pass!!! Also, my sisters posted an update on my wall so I'm not gonna repost but please read it and pray pray pray!! Thank you"

Posted by Jessica Jones:

“We need everyone to start praying for Donny, my sister and baby Jaxon...she has started leaking more and the Dr said that it looks like the placenta is tearing away, he believes that she will be delivering in the next week or so. We need Jaxon to stay in there for at least 2 more weeks. We are extremely thankful for amazing doctors and nurses, but we also know and believe wholeheartedly that our God is the best doctor and He knew Jaxon before he was even formed in Destiny's womb and He knows what's best for baby Jaxon. So please pray that the Lord will protect this sweet baby and that the Lord would give Destiny and Donny the strength and grace for these next several months whether he is born soon or he waits a several more weeks. Thank you all for your faith, love and support for my sister and Donny during this time, it means more than you will ever know.”

NOVEMBER 22

"Really missing my beautiful desert this morning but of course, thankful to be taken care of by amazing doctors and nurses! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"

"A good friend sent this to me this morning and it was so perfect I just wanted to post it so everyone could read it when they wake up:

Psalm 139:13

" for you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mothers womb. ...my frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the lower parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance yet unformed . And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me,when as yet there were none.""

NOVEMBER 23

"If someone brings me some cheddar bay biscuits and snow crab from red lobster right now, I will name my baby after you!!!"

"‎18 days down, 53 to go!"

"Update: I'm starting to understand what people mean when they say back and forth battle! So, my levels were consistently decreasing for three weeks and then my ultrasound Tuesday showed they had more than doubled to 6.9cm so we were ecstatic! But then I started leaking a LOT so I increased my water intake to try to keep it high and today's ultrasound showed the lowest count I've had yet. :( I'm now at 1.83cm. Luckily jaxon is head down and all the fluid is right around his face so he is able to swallow it which is what is important for his lung development. Also, minus a couple insignificant decells in his heartrate, it has been nearly perfect and he is moving a lot which is also really good. Please keep praying for us!"

NOVEMBER 24

"My husband is so awesome! Sometimes I think, how the heck did we end up together? Then he does something that makes me realize there's not a person in this world that would be a better match for either of us! Some girls like getting flowers and dates nights, I like watching stupid YouTube videos with him and having him serenade me with goofy made up songs and he just understands me! And the craziest things happen when I'm with him! No really, like the CRAZIEST experiences! Life just would not even be interesting without him"

"Has anyone had gestational diabetes that could help me think of ideas for snack and meals?"

"Trying to eat up the last of the junk food laying around my room before the nurses confiscate it! :) tested positive for gestational diabetes so now I start a yucky diet with blood sugar tests every day. Looks like I'm gonna fail today's. :F

(I told mom apparently I'm being too happy in the hospital, they're gonna try even harder to get me down! They just don't know what kinda challenge they've created for themselves) ;)"

NOVEMBER 26

"You know you're missing your toddlers when all alone in the hospital room you find yourself watching Octonauts! ...and enjoying it! ---day 20 of hospital bed rest and our little Jaxon Jeremiah is amazing all my nurses and doctors by remaining so strong inside me! 1 week and 2 days before we reach our next milestone of 28 weeks!!! 51 days to get to our ultimate goal of 34 weeks!"

"Update: please keep praying! As if there's not enough going on already, now I am being tested for cholestasis. :( if the test comes back negative, it's likely I have PUPPS. Either way means I will be terribly uncomfortable and itchy for the rest of the pregnancy. PUPPS will not affect the pregnancy, but does add another stress factor for me as well as possible scarring. But cholestasis can cause infection and labor. Please pray it's neither of these and it goes away like NOW bc I'm so sick of being itchy everywhere. I swear, I feel like Job! Just one thing after another. On the plus side, Jaxons heartrate was totally perfect this morning and my blood sugar has stabilized! Ultrasound in the morning so I will update his size and fluid count then"

NOVEMBER 27

"Prayers needed everyone! They are coming in to do my ultrasound this morning! Please pray my fluids have increased! Last night I had a couple contractions but then no more so I'm praising my amazing Lord for that!!! Today marks the end of three weeks in this hospital and tomorrow I will be 27weeks along with only 1 more week to reach our goal of 28!!! The Lord is so amazing that He has brought us this far! There's no end to His goodness and Jaxon Jeremiah is already a blessed little miracle baby! Thank you all for your continued prayers!!!"

"Update: another great Tuesday!! (Tuesday's always come through for me. I think this little man just might end up being a Tuesday baby! We'll see) so, haven't got his measurements yet but the big news: my fluids are.....6.92cm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is now officially the highest they have been in over a month! So excited! My leaking has slowed so I am doing everything possible to try and keep my AFI high for my little man! this is great news for his lung development. Of course, I know it will go up and down (last Tuesday it was 6.9, then by Friday dropped to 1.8) but every moment I can give him w this much fluid is great for him! Also, the fact that my fluids are still capable of increasing is awesome! Keep praying, still a long journey. Hoping to get in our full 10 weeks here in the hospital so still have just over 7 weeks left. I have Jeremiah 1:5 hanging all over my hospital walls and love every time the nurses come in and they ask what it means! Our declaration over our little Jaxon Jeremiah: "before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations." if you haven't read it already, please read my blog post about the Words the Lord gave me about our sweet little miracle baby:www.destinybroughtyoutome.blogspot.com"

NOVEMBER 28

"Does anyone have lifetime or hallmark Christmas movies on DVD that I could borrow? If so, could you get them to either my mom or mother in law? Thanks! I have a tv but don't get any of those good channels and Christmas movies are one of my favorite parts of this season!!!"

"Update: so got some great news today! First off, our little man is a rockin 2lb 8.2oz!!! Such a big guy huh? Gonna be just like his daddy! More good news, the perinatologists are projecting based on my stats up until now that I am very likely to make it to my full 34weeks!!! That's huge bc they have all been saying before now that I didn't seem likely to get passed 28. Of course I know things canchange and the Lord will have His way no matter what, but it is always nice to hear such great news from the specialists! More great news: my aubree is coming to see me w my mom today!!!!!!! Yay for good news! Oh, and although I am freezing cold having to keep my thermostat at 62 degrees, the itching is no longer too bad on my arms which makes bed rest more tolerable! My nurses are gonna have to start wearing coats when they come in here :)"

NOVEMBER 29

"A little bit of a scare this morning. Had a lot of bleeding tjrough the night so the doctor sent me back to labor and delivery for constant monitoring and took away eating privileges- just in case of delivery- but after 2 hours of monitoring I never had any contractions so as nurse was prepping me to go back on iv, perinatologist came in to evaluate everything. Did ultrasound and found that I haveonce again lost all the fluid I had accumulated but my dilation is only 1 1/2 which is good and means labor is not progressing so they did bloodwork to check my blood count and got me back to antepardum. He was not too concerned about the fluid loss bc he said I'm ruptured so he expects it. Tomorrows ultrasound will give me an exact count. Whew! Busy morning but now back to my regular schedule again!"

NOVEMBER 30

"Update: Just had my morning ultrasound. Lost a lot more fluid and blood last night so I was really nervous what my afi would be but there was a definite 2 cm and a possible 4.5cm so very happy about that! His heartrate has been perfect the last 3 days straight too!!!! Perinatologist is making rounds soon so should be getting exact measurements as soon as he gets here! Praying for a good day and that bleeding/leaking will slow down! (I'm pretty sure after all these ultrasounds I could probably by now perform one on myself!) :)"

DECEMBER 1

Here he is - Jaxon Jeremiah. 3 lbs. 1 oz. running lots of test to determine health. He was 12 and a half weeks early.

"Jaxon Jetemiah. Born at 5:09pm. 3lb1oz. Born 12 1/2 weeks early looking a bit like his gorgeous big sister aubree. I'll post details of everything a little later. Still numb in recovery but doing well!"

DECEMBER 2

"Update: Jaxon is off cpap and now on very little oxygen (through the nose tube) and breathing at 98%!!!!! He's doing amazing! Has feeding tube of course but is only being fed through iv for now. He has pooped and peed a lot which is amazing! He will have brain scan in a couple days to check for bleeds which is first step to see if there is anything there so please be praying for his health and specifically that there are no brain bleeds. Thank you all for your prayers and support! We are so in love with our little miracle man!!!"

DECEMBER 3

"Update: well, everyone continue to remember our little Jaxon in prayers! The Lord has been so good through all of this. I was able to connect with many women through Facebook who have been and are even now going through exactly what I went through and I really believe that was just God's way of comforting me in advance bc I learned so much through those women that has really helped me be truly at peace with everything happening. I just love how He works! Even Facebook is being used by God! :)

Anyways, they had to turn Jaxons oxygen up to 46%. He is just getting a bit tired of working so hard but that's ok. He deserves a little break if he wants! Also, his jaundice level rose (which is common with extreme preemies bc their liver is not yet fully developed) so he is now "under the lights". He is now showing possible signs of having a PDA which if I understood correctly, means the heart valves are not fully closed. (if anyone knows more about this, please message me and explain. Doctors give me so much info that a lot of it falls right outta my head) :) so his doctor has ordered an heart echo to be done today to check for that. Results should post by tonight. They just did his brain scan and those results should also post by tonight. He is doing so amazing though and the doctors are gonna let me stay one more night so I'm grateful for that! Keep praying. Our little guy still has a long way to go. Thanks for all the love and support!"

"Aw! Jax has new neighbors: triplets that we're born at 34 weeks today! So adorable!"

"Jaxon is back on the ventilator but is now breathing well again. His scan and echo results have not come back yet so we will probably have to wait until morning to get those. As for me, my recovery is not quite as wonderful as the first two csections but I know it is just bc of all the weeks of bed rest and losing the muscle during that but today has actually been great. As long as my meds are ontime, my pain is minimal and I'm already walking around great! I'm mixed feelings about going home tomorrow. On one hand, I get to be w my older three kids as well as good food and bed, but on the other, I'll be over an hour away from my little man during this hard time for him so please pray for our entire family. Can't wait until aubree, nic and belle can meet their baby brother!!!! It just might be one of the best 3 days of my entire life!!!"

DECEMBER 4

"Jaxon has dropped to 2 pounds, 10ounces. They expected a little drop but that's a little more than they wanted so they are increasing his caloric intake. Doing well on vent. Brain scan came back- no bleeding on the brain! Praise the Lord for that!!! He does have a 5.5mm cyst on his brain so they will run tests just to be sure it's not cancerous. If everything is fine with it (which they think it is) then it should shrink with the antibiotics. Heart echo still has not come back yet so I will post once I find out. I get to stay one more night but will definitely be discharged tomorrow making my total hospital stay 4 weeks and 2 days! Tomorrow Jaxon will be 28 weeks gestation meaning if I were still pregnant, tomorrow would be my first day in my third trimester. Its crazy to think that I never even made it into my third trimester yet he is doing so well!!! God is amazing that He has allowed doctors and technology to come so far. Not long ago at all Jaxon would not stand a chance at survival but now here he is doing amazing!!"

"Sorry everyone that I have missed responding to! I am overwhelmed by and extraordinarily grateful for the love you are all pouring out to my family! I am trying to respond to everyone but I know there are many I am missing. I get on my Facebook about 5 times a day right now and every single time I have anywhere from 30-50 notifications and messages so it has just been really hard to make sure nobody is missed but just want to say that if I have missed responding to you, please know that I am reading everything (even if i dont get to respond) and I appreciate so much and all this support and encouragement is what has helped me get through all of this with a smile! If you missed updates and would like to see them, you can either scroll back on my page (October 18th was the first post about complications, November 6th was when I got admitted) or you can see on my blog:www.destinybroughtyoutome.blogspot.com

It's easier to read the blog, but the Facebook posts cover every single detail. Anyways, just wanted to make sure that each and every one of you knows how much we love you all and are so blessed by you and by hearing how our little Jaxon has touched your lives! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!"

"So, I have a new prayer request! Please be praying for the family next to Jaxon! She's a little girl who shares his birthday and was born at 32 weeks gestation. Her mother just got discharged and cried as she had to leave her beautiful little girl behind. I remember that moment 3 1/2 years ago leaving the twins behind and I'm not looking forward to it again, but having my babies at home does soften the pain for me. This is their only child though so please just pray that the Lord will comfort them and that as we share this nicu journey with them as our neighbors that opportunities will be opened for us to share the live of our amazing Father! I'm not sure if they are believers but by the end of this experience, I would like to know that they are! Maybe jaxon will be the youngest evangelist in history!!!! Awesomeness!"

Destiny shared a link.

Destiny Brought You To Me

DECEMBER 5

"Update: in about 5 minutes, I will be walking outside the hospital doors that have kept me prisoner for just over a month now! Kinda nervous! Pray for me :) also, jaxons bilirubin count dropped to 5 so they are able to take him off the lights!!!!!! The best news of the day though is that his heart echo results came back and he had a large PDA. They treat with meds if the number is above 1500 and his was 2000. However, bc of his amazing breathing skills, the dr decided to wait before treating it and retested him last night and this morning, it was at 700 which means it is possibly closing on its own!!!!!!!!! So excited he's being such a good boy and so strong! Just love him so much!"

DECEMBER 7

"Update: Jax is continuing to amaze me every day!!! He came off the vent last night and now is breathing on 31% with the canula. His feedings have been increased to 2ml every 3 hours and he is tolerating them very well! Today he weighed 2lb, 10oz. He should start putting on some good weight now with his feedings! He got to meet his aunt Krystal Rees and uncle Ricky today so he was pretty excited about that! So proud of my little man! Love him so much!!!!!"

DECEMBER 8

"This time last week I was being told that we were probably gonna have to deliver my sweet little guy! At almost 13 weeks early, I was so nervous about the possibility but trusted the Lord to do whatever He wanted. Now my little guy is 1 week old (28 weeks, 3 days gestation) and is doing amazing!!! I'll be seeing him in a few hours now to celebrate his first week with him!"

"Update: Jax got his picc line inserted today and everything went great! He is now on 28% oxygen through the cannula and they will be removing the umbilical line tonight. Eating 3ml every 3 hours and doing great with it! He is 1 week old today! This time last week I was still "under" and my little man was just arriving in the nicu being checked over. I love him so much and can't wait until he can come home and meet his big sisters and big brother!!!"

DECEMBER 9

"Update: Continuing to be amazed at my little man! Has been doing great with his feedings so today they are increasing to 4ml every 3 hours then every 4 feedings they will increase by 1ml!!!! He gained some weight but I forgot to ask how much so I will let you all know this afternoon once we get down there to see him! Still on the cannula but breathing great on it! They are giving him a rest today since he had a lot going on yesterday with getting the picc line inserted. Me and Donny enjoyed a good evening and morning with the other three kiddos too and each day I'm feeling better. Had a reaction to the benzine they put over my incision but it is getting better each day. Aubree is fascinated with my incision and the fact that Jaxon came out of my tummy right there. She keeps wanting to take care of me! Future doctor??? I'm

Good with that! :)"

DECEMBER 10

"Got some amazing news- Donny starts back at work tomorrow!!! After a few months of waiting for this next job to start, the day is finally here. But not gonna lie, I cried bc as much as we need him to be working, I don't like him not being with me at all times. :) my biggest concern was that I might not see Jax every day since I can't drive for five more weeks but he's so amazing and promised that even if he gets home late, he will drive me down to him every day that I want! He is the most amazing husband and dad ever! There is not a person in the world I would rather go through all of this with ever!"

"Update: Jax is back on the lights- his bili went up to 8.7. Also he has a heart murmur but the dr is not going to treat it yet bc it could be due to his PDA closing. They will keep check on it to be sure though. He did lose a little more weight. He is now 2lb 10.9oz. They are continuing to increase his feedings though so dr expects he will gain by tomorrow. He is now at 6ml every 3 hours and at midnight will increase to 7ml. He is tolerating his feedings wonderfully! Gonna see him

This afternoon and hold him for an hour! (I can now hold him for 1 hour every day) he is now 9 days old and currently at 28 weeks, 5 days gestation."

"Pray for my Jax! Doctor just called 30 min ago. His blood gases this morning showed elevated carbon dioxide so they checked again a few hours later and it had risen even more. Dr doesn't like that it is rising. It means his lungs are not getting rid of the co2 so they are gonna check again at 10pm and if it has not gone down, they are going to re-intubate him. :( also, his PDA number jumped. It was originally 2000+ then went down to 740 but they just did another check and it jumped to 1500 so they are going to do another echocardiogram in the morning and may have to start him on the PDA meds. He has been doing amazing from The start then when I went to see him this afternoon, he had ~12 desats in the 1 1/2 hours I was with him. Got as low as 42%. I couldnt hold him bc of thst and also his respirations were maintaining around 130s. I just started crying there in the nicu. I know this is what 27 weekers typically go through, but this was his first bad day that he's had so I just wasn't expecting it today. For the first time I watched him as I thought how frail and pitiful he looked. I usually beam at how strong he is but I just didn't see that today. :( oh, and his bilirubin was high too so that just kinda topped off the kinda day we had. I'm going to bed and hoping for a better tomorrow!"

DECEMBER 11

"Update: just talked to Jaxons dr and they did NOT have to intubate him last night! He's still having desats on the cannula but not bad enough that she wants to intubate him yet so she will just have his nurses watching closely and let me know if she decided to. They are doing another echo this afternoon and she said even if it's only open a little, she will go ahead and start the meds. He will have to come off his feedings but will still get nutrients through his picc line but said not to be too concerned if he loses more weight. Friday they will do another echo to see if it closes and then they will know if he can start back his feedings or another round of meds depending. Gonna see him this afternoon thanks to the amazing G-Ma!!! I will post some more pics later"

"Update: echo results came back already. He still has a large PDA so they are starting his meds now. Just realized that he is now 10 days old and that is exactly how old the twins were when they came home from nicu. That seemed like an eternity then. :)"

DECEMBER 13

"Usually I'm all about the rain and snow but it's trying to stand between me and my mini man and I am NOT ok with that!"

"Update: so Jax's PDA meds finished yesterday and he had another heart echo done this morning. Results came back and the PDA is still open and it is still large. :( doctor is starting another round of the meds which should finish tomorrow night and then she is going to let him rest for the weekend and depending on how he's doing, she may order another echo on Monday. Right now though, he is still struggling a bit bc of the PDA. His oxygen is at 44% and he is still having lots of desats so he needs prayer that this second round will work so he doesn't have to have the surgery. If he does have to have it though, I'm at least glad to know that it is a simple surgery and will make him feel so much better so whatever is needed is fine w me! Even though he is off of his feedings, he did still gain weight so I'm happy about that. He's 2lb, 12oz I believe. Keep praying for our little guy! He's doing great but still has a lot to overcome! Donald Wetzel"

"Update #2: so, Jax was on 40% and is still not doing great on the cannula. He has had 5 bradycardia episodes since this morning. They are doing another blood gas test in about ten minutes and if it is not good, they are going to intubate him again. Had to turn his oxygen up to 50% a little while ago and that helped and slowly they have brought it back down to 46% but looks like that's as low as he's gonna tolerate for now. Please just pray his PDA closes so we can just be done with this phase!!!"

DECEMBER 14

"So excited Donald Wetzel will get to see our Jaxon today! He hasn't seen him in a few days bc of work and I know our little Jax is missing his daddy!!!"

DECEMBER 15

"Update: Jax looked great today! He was peacefully sleeping most the time we were w him. They are still keeping his oxygen between 30-40%. He will have another heart echo Monday to check his PDA but nurse did not hear a murmur today so hoping that means its closed. Really, pretty much no changes since yesterday. Just love my little tough guy so much!"

"Happy 30th birthday to my wonderful amazing husband!!! You are the funniest, smartest, most skilled man I've ever met! I love you so much!"

DECEMBER 17

"Update: when I arrived to see Jax today, he was on 51% oxygen w the rate at 30bpm. They soon after had to turn it up to 60%. Seems once he hears his mommys voice they usually have to turn it up but after being there for about 30 minutes, I got to hold him and while I held him his oxygen was turned down to 40% and he did great with that!!! Makes me wanna sit and hold him all say every day! :) I was able to hold him for an hour and a half though which is the longest yet! They started over w his feedings bc he was not tolerating them yesterday so they did scan on his intestines and bowels but everything looked great so dr decided to keep feedings at 3ml for now and increase slowly starting tonight. Had his heart echo this afternoon but won't hear results til morning. Dr and nurses all seem to think the PDA has probably closed though so hoping and praying they're right! Overall he looked amazing again! Hopefully we will have more success weaning from ventilator this weekend but if not, at least it's giving him a break. Love my beautiful baby boy! Tomorrow marks 6 weeks since I was admitted to the hospital and I just can't believe where we are at since that day. For a few days I thought I would be delivering any day with an extremely grim outlook- so thankful for the millions of miracles the Lord has performed for this little guy! He has so much favor on his life already that is just so evident by what he has been able to overcome!"

DECEMBER 18

"Will anyone be heading UP the hill tomorrow anytime between 12:00-2:00-ish? I have a ride down to the hospital but just need a ride home. Please message me if you will be headed back to the desert around that time. Thanks!"

"Update: Jax is not having such a great day...with the exception of the hour mommy was able to hold him. He is having a whole lot of desats even with oxygen as high as 54% and at a rate of 30bpm. Right now it is on 40% but his nurse is continually patting his bottom to remind him to breathe. They have not been able to lower the rate for a few days now. On the up side, feedings have increased to 5ml and he is tolerating that well. Oh! And forgot to mention earlier, the endocine worked and his PDA is now closed!!! Whew! One big obstacle outta the way but now we just gotta get this little guy breathing on his own here. He's just not understanding why he should have to do so much work when the machine can just do it for him."

DECEMBER 19

"Update: Jaxon is now 18 days old (30 weeks gestation today!!) and he now weighs 3lb 4oz. His PDA is still closed so that is good. He is having another not-so-great day today. His rate on the vent was decreased to 28bpm but he is now on 80% oxygen and still having many desats as low as 40s. He is also only functioning one lung at a time although both lungs are good, they just seem to switch back and forth- one will do the work while the other folds then they switch. Also, he is having to have his lungs suctioned every 20-30 minutes because he is having so much secretion (most intubated babies are auctioned once every 3 hours or so). This could mean any number of things from pneumonia to improper tube placement to several other things so dr is on her way now to evaluate him. Please pray that we get past this step now. He is so tired and irritable from being messed with so much. On the positive side, I was able to hold him for 2 HOURS today!!!! During that whole time he only had 2 desats so I think all this fuss is just that he wants mommy to hold him some more! ;)"

"Update: wow! This has been a crazy day for my little man! His lung secretions tested positive for staph so with the way he's been acting, it's possible there is an infection. Also, his platelet count came back low so they are getting ready to do a blood transfusion. A few other tests won't be back until tomorrow or longer but at least this is a start and hopefully the antibiotics and transfusion will boost him a bit and help his lungs start working better. Keep praying, he's got a LOT going on for now"

DECEMBER 20

"‎3 little monkeys tucked snugly in bed, 1 little monkey safely in his isolette, my favorite comfy pj's, hot cocoa, caramel chocolate chip cookies and lifetime original Christmas movies! Ah! It's a wonderful life!"

Destiny wrote on The Preemie Project'stimeline.

"New here, my son was born at 27 weeks on December 1st after my water broke at 21 weeks and hospital bed rest at 23 weeks. He is now 19 days old. I have a question: did anyone's baby have the steroid, dexamethasone to help them come off ventilator? Jaxon has just been labeled as "ventilator dependent with no known cause" and bc of this, his dr is considering doing the steroid, however, she wants me to read up on it bc she said there are possible long-term side effects. Just wondering if anyone else knows about this that could help me out. Thanks!"

DECEMBER 21

"Donny's taking the kids to pick out Christmas presents for me today so aubree asked what I want. I told her I'd like a necklace or bracelet so she asked, "you want jewelry?" then immediately turned to daddy and said, "daddy, can we get mommy markers?" then she spent the next 5 minutes trying to convince me that I like markers and I want markers for Christmas."

DECEMBER 22

"Although I'm super excited and anxious tosee my mini man again this afternoon, I am so glad I got to spend some real fun time tickling and chasing and loving on my other three this morning! First time since surgery that I've felt good enough to do that! I've missed runnin around with them, good to be back at it finally! Oh! And Jax is 3 WEEKS OLD today! That is insane to me!!! This very time 3 weeks ago, they were checking him via ultrasound and trying to figure out why I was in labor. We were still hanging on the fence about whether to deliver or wait and hope it stopped. Crazy how quickly life changes!"

DECEMBER 23

"Update: our little Jax is getting to be a big boy! ;) he's now 3 pounds, 9ounces. He is still taking 16ml feedings but they are fortifying it for an extra 25calories so should help him start packing on some pudge! They were able to wean him down on the vent from

26 to 24bpm. He is still fluctuating from 40-60% and he's still having desats but not quite as many so hopefully that will continue improving! The staph, it turns out, was not yet infected, it was just in the beginning stages of infection but the antibiotics have already gotten rid of that so it is no concern now. Still having lots of lung secretions but X-ray is showing a vast improvement! His vision tests will be starting soon after he is off the vent. Overall he's had a great day!!"

"Trying to keep my husband from telling me my Christmas present is stressing me out!!! Sheesh! This boy can't keep anything secret! Looks like Christmas is gonna have to be tomorrow bc 2 days is gonna be waaaaay too much to ask of him! ;)"

DECEMBER 25

"Heading down to see my boy on his first Christmas!"

"Update: Jax is 3lb 12oz. His feedings are doing great. Please pray bc we are hoping he can come off the vent tomorrow!!! He just finished meds that are supposed to prepare his lungs to come off so hoping they worked and I will get to hold him tomorrow without that crazy tube!"

DECEMBER 26

"Update: The steroids did their job! Jax is being extubated at 11:30 today!!!!!!!"

DECEMBER 27

"Update: Jax is having some pretty severe apnea with the spells lasting around 90 seconds each and very frequent. Tried caffeine but didn't work so he now has a bedside nurse at all times. Still on high pressure through the cannula so hoping this will improve and he won't have to be intubated again. I'll know more once I get there this morning.

Oh! And guess who's a California licensed driver??? THIS girl! :)"

"Update again :) - please prayfor my Jax! If the apnea doesn't improve over the next 6 hours, they will intubate him again"

DECEMBER 28

"It's a multiples madhouse in the nicu! 2 sets of triplets and 3 sets of twins and 2 babies who are twins (not w each other) but flying solo."

"Update: sorry forgot to let everyone know. :) so, I got to hold Jax yesterday for about 2 hours. The previous night he'd been having 2-4 apnea spells every hour but by the time I'd arrived they were down to 1 every 1-2 hours. While I held him he had zero, in fact didn't even have a single desat. The rest of the day and last night, they decreased even more. He only had 4 through the entire night. He has only had 1 today. Thanks for all the prayers!!! They will NOT be intimating him again. His doctor, who by the way is the most phenomenal doctor in the entire world, just wants to five him time and opportunity to learn to "fix himself" without the need for intervention. I'm telling she is my soul mate doctor! He's doing great today. They slowed his feedings to help give him a break so he is at 15cc and will increase by 1cc every 3 feedings. His vent rate is at 40bpm but the o2 is only at 28%. They will likely cut antibiotics today bc it does not look like there is any infection. Blood gases and blood counts are all great! He is sleeping peacefully right now. Thanks again for prayers!!! Oh! And he is now 31weeks gestation which means in 2 weeks they will let him start practicing nursing as long as everything is good!!!"

DECEMBER 29

"I will be walking in April to raise money for March of Dimes in honor of my sweet baby boy! Please consider walking with me on team "Jaxon Jeremiah 1:5" and helping me to raise money for this great organization that does so much for babies who are premature or born with birth defects. "

Destiny updated her status.

"Much needed hair cut today then going to see my little guy!!! Praying for a great day for him!"

"Just suddenly hit me that my baby is FOUR WEEKS OLD today! I can't believe it! And he's not even due for another 9 weeks! WOW! Time is flying by!"

DECEMBER 31

"Playing around w nic I told him, "I'm gonna take your face" he said, "you can't, it has to stay on me for a long long time." then he started feeling his face w his hands and said, "it can't come off. It has too much glue on it. It's stuck. All my pieces are glued together!" ...I think it's so cute to hear little kids' perspective on the world! So glad God glued all his pieces together really tightly ;)"

JANUARY 1

"Happy 1 month birthday to my amazingly strong little man!!! I can't wait until my little Jaxon Jeremiah is home in my arms for good! I just may never put him down."