Ok, so I am wanting to remember every moment of this hospital stay, the good moments AND the difficult. The thing is, I am such an optimistic positive person that I am not sure I'm even capable of accurately describing any of the difficult. I am really wanting to recognize honestly the hardships of what we are facing but I tend to sooo look at the positive side of every situation that...well, we'll see if I'm even capable of such vulnerable honesty. :) I am going to use this post as a journal of my most broken moments throughout this journey we are currently on though so, if you're expecting the typical happy-go-lucky Destiny, the goal is that you will not find her here. Not bc I'm wanting to sadden and depress, but only bc I know that my outlook is always so positive I tend to forget some of the difficult things the Lord has truly brought me through and I don't want to forget when one day I look back, just how far He brought me. This idea was actually inspired yesterday when my husband came to visit w my aubree. They stayed a couple hours and it was wonderful! When they got ready to leave aubree blew me kisses and hugged me and waved and said, "bye mom! I love you!" she stood about ten feet from my bed and I said, "I love you too baby, soooo much!" I had an urge to squeeze her again when she tipped her chin to her chest shyly smiling and said it again blowing another kiss, "I love you!" my voice cracked this time as I said, "I love you sooo much baby! So much!" I had to turn my head from her bc I didn't want this amazing visit to end sad for her but I couldn't stop the tears as I thought how she was going back home without me again and knowing this was still only the beginning of a long separation. They kept coming when my Annabelle's face came to mind and thought how I just wanted to hold my baby girl, when I thought of my Nicholas and how I had not seen him even once since coming to this hospital bc he's been sick and I just wanted grab him and squeeze him tight! Then I heard my aubree behind me ask, "mommy are you sad?" I wiped my eyes, smiled and turned to her and said, "no I'm not sad! You made me so happy today!" she smiled at that and asked, "are you just crying?" I kissed her again and said, "not anymore!". Within a few minutes after a few more "I love you"s, they were gone again.
9/4/13
Ok, so turns out I was not good at writing out those difficult vulerable moments because I never returned to this post until just now. I am trying to clean up my posts and found many that I wrote out while on my bedrest but I never published them. I want to publish this one now though because it is now a precious precious memory that I do not want to forget. So I'm sorry about the incompleteness of it but as this blog is really just a journal of mine, hopefully you won't mind how scattered it sometimes can be. :) Here are some photos of when she visited me in the hospital.
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