My Happy Birthdays

Today is my 29th birthday!!! I wanted to just post this little timeline of my last decade because it's just amazing to me how much 10 years can change a person. 10 years ago from today, I was a waitress and I was single and not even remotely interested in dating. My 5 year plan was to do some world traveling with my dad for the next two years while finishing up my journalism classes. I then wanted to start nursing school and become a nicu nurse. (little did I know that the next decade would give me personal experience in the nicu with my own 3 preemies that would even more solidify that desire) I thought I would marry around age 27 or so and have kids around 30. I wanted a career more than anything else for my life. I wanted a family, but it just wasn't a priority. 

Anyways, I am so grateful God knows best and works things out for our good because I can't imagine if I had stuck to my plan and never married my husband or had our kids. I can't imagine I would have been near as happy or fulfilled had I finished my schooling and become a nurse and never had my own sweet little ones. Of course, the current "plan" is to still go through nursing school once Jaxon is in school (but of course, I now know as much as anyone that even that may change) but I just don't want to miss even a second of their lives that I don't absolutely have to. I am so grateful for a husband who works so hard and affords me the opportunity to stay home with them. I am so blessed with my life. If I had known back then what it would be like now, this is exactly what I would have set as my 10 year plan. Things may not have always been easy or gone the way I wanted, but the end result is exactly "everything I never knew I always wanted". (I've always loved that line from the movie Fools Rush In) :) Anyways, here is the timeline of my last ten years. I am so excited about this final year of my 20s. I am so excited to begin a new decade next year. I am such a blessed lady and thank the Lord so much for giving me the life He gave me!

In 2005, I turned 20 years old and kicked off this past decade of my life with an amazing trip to South Africa with my dad. 

In 2006, I married my husband, 

In 2007 I started working at our church and running the women's ministry, 

In 2008 I got pregnant with our twins, Aubree and Nicholas and we bought our first home. 

In 2009 I had the twins and got pregnant with my little Annabelle. 

(Aubree at about 12 hours old)

(Nicholas at about 12 hours old)

 (This is me actually only 5 days she was born)

In 2010, I delivered Belle making us a family of 5. 

 (Me and Belle in recovery. She is about 45 minutes old here. My big ole 9lb baby)

 (First Family of 5 photos)

 (Annabelle at 6 months old)

In 2011 we went through the most major changes in our family, losing our home, being out of work most of the year, a cancer scare with Nicholas and so many other things that made us into a stronger and more united family than ever. 

In 2012, we found out we were pregnant with Jaxon and then delivered him 3 months premature. 

(Me holding Jaxon at 2 days old. He was able to come off his breathing tube for almost a day so I got to hold him really early for a micropreemie)

In 2013, we brought Jaxon home from the hospital and went through the biggest change as a family ever that has once again, changed the entire dynamic and purpose of our family unit. 

(The kids in September. Jaxon is 9 months, Annabelle is 3 and twins are 4)

2014 is just over halfway finished but so far, we have become the ambassador family for March of Dimes, have joined several other advocacy groups and have been able to work with so many other families going through the struggles that come with having a sick baby or child- a mission that I intend to work with for the rest of my life. 

 (All of us at the beach in spring 2014)

This last decade has been hard and stressful and seemingly impossible at times but has been such an amazing ride! Today is the first day of my last year in my 20s. A lot of people enter their 30s regretting many choices they made in their 20s but I am so glad that I have no regrets and can look back on this past decade and be proud of all I have been blessed with and all that the Lord has given me the opportunity to do!

What's in a name...

As we are at the 1-year mark for all of the pregnancy complications with my preemie, Jaxon, I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on that experience and how it has changed my life so I will probably be posting primarily about all of that. If you are new to my blog, you can read my previous posts to find out more about our little man by clicking on the PPROM/NICU tab above but for a brief general overview: Jaxon is our fourth child. He was born 13 weeks premature after my water broke at 19 weeks, I was admitted to the hospital at 23 weeks, 6 days and I had placenta abruption at 25 weeks as well as gestational diabetes and PUPPS and then at 27 weeks I developed sepsis and delivered him via emergency c section. He spent 3 months in the nicu and is now 10 1/2 months old. Ok, now that you know that, the rest of my post should make better sense o you. :)

(Jaxon with his daddy at about 2 weeks old)

(Jaxon at around 10 days old in between his 2nd and 3rd intubations)



When I first went into labor with Jaxon at 23 weeks, 6 days, we did not have a middle name for him. In fact, we had only a week or two before decided on his first name. As I layed in my hosptal bed trying to get some rest as the doctor ordered, I began to toss and turn because I was so worried about the possibilities, so I did what I always do when I'm going through anything. I began to write. We did not know earlier that day that I would be admitted to the hospital so I did not have any of my things with me, but I did have my phone. I opened up the Notes app on my phone and began typing away. I had my Bible app and began reading and just really searching and asking the Lord to show me the purpose of this situation. I didn't question His ways or intentions for the things I didn't understand and I didn't ask "why me?", but I did tell Him that I needed His peace to hold my hand. The only way to find that peace was to understand how purpose can be revealed in such a seemingly dark situation. He never does anything without a reason. I needed to know how to seek Him in my situation. I needed the strength to step out in faith and remember that I can trust Him in everything! I found that strength. Right there in my hospital bed, bed pan on the counter next to me, IVs in my arm, right there in that room I found Him holding on to me. I felt His arms around me squeezing me, I saw His tears falling every time Jaxon had a heart decell on the monitor. He took no pleasure in my pain and He never rolled His eyes at me as if to say, "just get over it. I always take care of you, don't you get it by now?" He never said that. He just allowed me to grieve my situation and to feel my fears. I know it sounds strange to think that God allowed me to feel my fear, but He did. It was what I needed at that moment. I needed to feel the fear. It wasn't the fear of not trusting Him or wanting something different for my life. It was the fear that comes with loving someone so much! I loved my Jaxon with a fierce and unconditional love and I loved my Lord, my Savior, my Healer even so much more! I was not willing to let go of my love and trust in the Lord but in that, I had to accept that I did not know His plans for my Jaxon and because of that, I had to accept that I may have to lose that other secondary yet still so powerful love, my son. It was a fear of going through something that far exceeded any trial I had ever endured and not knowing if I had the strength to endure it. It was the fear of knowing that I did NOT have that much strength and knowing that because I did not, I would be solely and fully dependent on the Lord's strength because it was the only infinite source of strength in the universe. The only strength that would not fail. When I woke up the next morning (or I think it was morning, I did not have a window so all my days and nights ran ogether at that time) I opened my Bible app once again and I intended to look up the exact words for the verse Jeremiah 29:11, however, I had a temporary mental block and was thinking it was chapter 1. That brought me to another verse that is also familiar, Jeremiah 1:5. I read through the first 5 verses of chapter 1 and when I got to the end of verse 5, my face was soaked with tears. (here is the link to the post I typed out on my phone at that moment: Jaxon Jeremiah Wetzel ) I stopped and texted my husband very simply "Jaxon Jeremiah" and he wrote back immediately, "YES! I like it!" And from that moment, he was Jaxon Jeremiah. I then continued reading through the rest of the chapter and the more I read, the more peace began to fill me. I still did not know how Jaxon's story would go and even thought there was a good possibility it might end soon, but even at that thought, I had such peace and just knew that I was ready for what was to come no matter what it was. I knew that if our miracle looked like what we hoped it would look like, then all would be well but I also knew that if it didn't, if the road the Lord would have us travel was not one we would have ever wanted or even considered, then He would be my strength and He would be my comfort. I knew I was ready to continue on and take each day as it came but also knowing that whatever the possibilities, I was ready to accept it with joy. I know that sounds so hard and almost impossible, but such is the greatness of my God! Nothing is impossible with Him! Not even a mother's peace and joy in the midst of an impossible trial. I remember several times every single day for my month in the hospital people would say that they can't believe how calm and at peace I was. Even the nurses would look at me as if they wanted to remind me what a dire situation we were in. And that's not to say I was blissful and laughing and as happy as the ending of a Christmas movie, that's not it at all. I cried every day. I struggled with other things every day such as pains and a horrible rash on top of devastating news seemingly every day, but inside I had such a joy and peace that even through the tears, I knew I was blessed every moment. And I wasn't just settling for the cliche "every day is a gift/blessing". No, not like that. I TRULY LEGITIMATELY felt BLESSED that the Lord looked down and saw me and my family and desired a deeper purpose in our lives so much that He broke my water prematurely. That is seriously the way I saw it and still see it. How amazing that the Creator of all things would even know me and then, beyond that even, to choose me for such a thing! That the world had never even seen Jaxon's face, yet the One who carved the mountains and sprinkled the universe with color. KNEW him! CALLED him! CHOSE him! WOW! Who can know His ways? I feel like all of creation is a tapestry and through this experience, we have found our threads in that tapestry! 

Me on my hospital bedrest

Jaxon at 9 months old at home

 Jaxon at about 7 months at home

Jaxon at 9 1/2 months at home

Poem For My Jaxon Jeremiah

I wrote this about halfway through his NICU stay one day when I was sitting next to him in his isolette. He was not having a great day so I could not hold him that day so instead I started writing out my thoughts. This is what came out. It actually was incomplete for a long time. The last few verses were actually written weeks later.


My faith never wavered
Though hope had grown thin
As I sat and I waited
From the bed I was in

Seven long weeks
With the pain of not knowing
What the outcome would be
With your lungs now not growing

The numbers, the stats
The odds fully against you
In the chance I could help,
Many things that I went through

But the plans for your life
Far more than I'd known
The Creator of all things
Had chosen you, son.

He'd planned every moment
The joys and the grief
He held me to hope
Turned doubt to belief

My heart fully melted
When I first saw your face
I didn't see problems
I only saw Grace!

The pictures may tell
Of your struggle, your fight
But my witness accounts
Of the glorious might

Of a God who fights for you
And stands at your side
Every moment a whisper,
His voice as your guide.

I stood with you as you battled
But it was only yours to fight
Although you seemed so little
You were full of such might!

For 3 endless months
You overcame
Every obstacle you faced
And held true to your name

Jaxon- it means,
"Our God shows us grace"
And it's evident in
Your sweet smiling face

Jeremiah you are.
As the Lord gave to me
Jeremiah 1:5
A promise you would be!

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."- Jeremiah 1:5

John 1:1-5
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

1John 4:4
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

Faith- Seeing God's Work, Not Managing It

I have been thinking about some things that different people have said about healing and faith and other things related to faith. I know some people believe that miraculous healings are typically the result of an increase in faith or just directly related to a "large" amount of faith. enough faith to be healed. This is not something I agree with but I know that a lot of people do believe this. I have had friends who had TREMENDOUS amounts of faith that they would be healed and lived their lives serving the Lord, not to say they were perfect, but they were definitely living a repentant lifestyle which is as close to perfect as a person can get, yet they were not healed. Then I have known people who were healed while NOT living for the Lord. This is enough to prove to me that healings are not about a measure of faith. Then we also know the verse about mustard seed faith moving mountains as well, so there is biblical reference indicating that the size or amount of faith is not what allows things to happen miraculously. ---just to note, I am not saying the measure of faith is insignificant, not at ALL! It is very significant and greater measures of faith will take us farther in our walk and strengthen us in the Lord like nothing else. Continue reading and you will see what my point is. Didn't want anyone quitting on me thinking I am devaluing faith here. :) ---

I have heard (particularly recently) different people referring to something they have been praying for (healing, a loved one's salvation, a job, etc) not happening and then either they or a person speaking with them referring to them needing more faith indicating that something wasn't happening becasue they didn't have enough faith. It seems to me that a lot of times people are not understanding the purpose of faith and because of that, their faith is misdirected giving them a blindspot for where the Lord is working. For instance, I have had a painful cyst for a few months. Many people would pray that the cyst be removed and they would be freed from the pain it causes. Had this been my perspective, then I would have begun praying that back in November when it first started causing pain. Then, in March when it became excruciating, I would have assumed I had not been praying with enough faith and then would have done whatever I could to try to have an increase in faith (asking God for it, determining to myself to live in more, etc) and would have blamed myself for not being healed because of my inability to "faith it out" of myself. Now, nearly 7 months later, I would probably be disappointed in myself, and maybe having other surrendered-to-pain thoughts bc I still have it. Instead of that situation, I had a revelation about faith that has shaped my perspective in an entirely different direction.

Faith is not about what I am hoping God will do for me, it is what I KNOW God will do for Himself!

When the cyst became excruciating, it wasn't about having enough faith and praying that the cyst would be gone and I would have no more pain, that's what I wanted, but that's not what was important. It wasn't about the cyst being gone, it's about having faith in God! Not even faith in God that He is going to heal me and remove the pain, (that's putting a stipulation to my faith) but faith in God that He is going to do what is best for Himself, no stipulations! He is going to allow what is going on to work best for HIM! It's not even about what's best for me, only Him. What's best for me is that all that is best for Him is fulfilled! Because I am not my own and I don't belong to myself so even my own healing isn't about me, it's about Him in all aspects, whether it happens or not, whichever comes about is about HIS glory! So when I have this pain, my faith isn't about me praying for it to o away, rather it's about me having faith in God that whether He heals me or not, what's going to happen is going to be what's best for Him and that is what I have to have faith in. That's what is important. ALL parts of faith have to be about God. None of it can be about me or it is misplaced. Even when He does choose to heal me, it's is not for my healing, it is for HIS glory! It is still about Him!

Because of this, I can't say, "yes, I had enough faith and I was healed". Faith is what God gives us to know Him, it is not for our own selfish purposes of being healed or having a good paying job. Faith's purpose is to bring us closer to knowing God. Something the Lord showed me that really just solidified this perspective in my mind is regarding the scripture about faith the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain. He asked me, does your faith move the mountain? No! It is not our faith (small or large) that is capable of moving the mountain. It is God and only God. Then He said, if you do not have faith, does that mean I can NOT move the mountain? No! Not at ALL Lord! God can move the mountain with or without faith! If there were not a single soul in all the history of the world who had even a speck of faith, He could STILL move the mountain! So then I saw in my mind that the mountain is ALREADY being moved! Faith is the eyes to see what is already happening! Not the power behind it. GOD is the power behind what is happening, faith allows me to see what God is ALREADY doing! This is why it only takes mustard seed faith. You can see a lot through a tiny pinprick. I know this from watching the eclipse. We had a piece of paper which we pricked a tiny hole into then held it up to the sun and on the wall we could see the entire sun/moon eclipse displayed! That was like seeing the great and mighty move of God on a mustard seed scale.

(Where the shadow falls across the paper he is holding is a view of the eclips- the crescent shaped light shining through at the top left corner of the shadow)

If faith is the eyes to see what God is already doing, then that means He is doing His work despite what we want or think. If faith is what gives us the eyes to see that work, then that tells me that praying for something to happen and it not happening is totally unrelated to an amount of faith. Perhaps we should stop praying for things that are not happening and start praying for our wants and thoughts to come into alignment with God's. Then we will see that what we should be praying for...and this is what I have been saying but in different (and longer) words but when I say it this way, nobody will be able to argue it---is Your will be done! We already know God is going to do what is best for Himself. ---I don't want that to come across as a selfish thing at all! God is not selfish. He could not be LOVE if He were selfish and He is in EVERY way LOVE! In order to do what is best for us, the best must be done for Him. When all the best works out for God, glory is the result. He must always be filled with glory and all creation will constantly work to bring Him glory bc all of creation was created OUT from inside of Him in a glorious manifestation of His spoken Word! He is so full of goodness and wonderful-ness that when He is filled with glory, it overflows from Him and spills out around Him. Guess who is blessed by that? Those who are closest to Him! When we follow Him and remain at His side, He is constantly overflowing with glory and those who stand with Him are touched by it! This still does not make anything about us, it simply shows how merciful He is to allow us access to Him that as sons and daughters we might share in this! (I wanted to clarify that in case readers who do not know me may think I accuse Him of selfishness! The only Being in all of history with all rights to selfishness is the One and only who casts it so completely aside for those He loves!)---

Anyways, my head gets so full of stuff sometimes I just start typing away and have no clue if it made sense or even conveyed my thoughts accurately. I am actually pretty good with spelling and grammar but my posts show just how crazy my mind gets bc I have yet to type a post that is even close to error free. I hope I explained clearly and that you understand. If not, feel free to message or email me. Bottom line is that faith is not about us, it is about God. He will do His will which may or may not line up with our own. If we cannot see what He is doing, ask for faith. Faith will not make Him do what you want, it will only open your eyes to see what He is already doing. When you see what He is doing, you can better bring your will into alignment with His own! And ALL is for the glory of God! That is kind of a vague bottom line of all the above. Blessings!

Blood to Grace- A granddaughter's lesson of redemption

Okay, so I just wrote this and it is REEEEEAAAALLLLYYYY long! I don't have pictures but will put some on it tomorrow to help break it up!
***************************************

So, I've been grieving for my grandfather a lot lately. It's kind of strange actually as it has been exactly 2 years already since his passing. Even stranger that I have been missing him so much even though the last ten years we lived on opposite sides of the country. The last 2 weeks particularly I have truly missed him (even his famous grumpy grouchy ways) and I did not even realize that we are at the 2 year mark until seriously like 10 minutes ago when I was settling down to start typing this out. About 2 weeks ago I was sitting at my desk at work when I looked up and saw a picture that was taken the last time I saw him. I was pregnant with the twins and had gone back to Georgia with my immediate family to visit all the rest of my family! After having been there for a few days, we were getting ready to leave and we all knew that it could possibly be the last time we saw him so it was so important to take pictures...and we took a lot! and i am so glad we did although he did live another 18 months after that. (yes, I did just use my fingers and amazing math skills to calculate that!- bc it takes "amazing math skills" to do the kind of math you use your fingers to do. haha!) The picture on my desk is one we took and it is of me with my slightly bulging belly and my mamaw and grandaddy.

That day as I sat at my desk working on busy assignments, I saw that picture and immediately my eyes watered up although I am not typically a crier but for some strange reason it just hit me that day. I was not sad about his passing, I am confident he is now in Heaven with our precious Lord. I wasn't even sad for my own self not having him around, I had already gotten used to him not being close by due to our living separation. It was kind of one of those things that I guess only people in this situation can understand. Quickly I thought of 2 specific things that immediately made my eyes water though I could not be sad about them, only a strange feeling of...I don't know...loss, grief? They seem so different from sadness in this instance. It's difficult to explain how I grieve but during it I am still joyful and happy and not a bit sad about it. I always thought that would be a contradiction but now I find it makes perfect sense? Does it make sense to you? I hope so bc I am moving on. :) Those 2 things that made my grief bubble up were as follows:

1. My grandfather's life was so full of stories. I remember growing up and listening to him tell the stories. As I look back I wonder if some were even true but as he always seemed so strong and sure, I choose to believe they all are. The one about my great...[not sure how many "greats"]...great grandmother who was cherokee and she was sitting in a chair watching a storm out the window and got struck by lightening. (I'm really not sure of any of the details of that story though he may or may not have told me...I was VERY little when I remember him telling it, but I remember him telling me that it happened and however my mind may have mixed up the story from a little child to now, I do know that he said she was so many "greats" up there and got struck through a window. IT is the very picture I have in my head.) I remember him telling me about how somewhere up in our line, another great[...]great grandmother ran over her husband with a wagon and although I can't remember why, I remember that it WAS intentionally. So, I know it's a horrible thing to have a murderer in the family stories, but as it was no fault of his nor mine, it does make for interesting stories. There are so many more about him when he was younga and all the way up through his life, many that he shared and many that were shared by others about him. The part of grief inthese is that I can't remember some of the details anymore and he is no longer here to remind me. Like I said, I truly have no feelings of sadness, it is just more of a..."oh, I wish he was here to remind me what happened with such and such!" So, that is one thing that made my grief well up was the reminder that I may never know those things again

2. I was 4 months pregnant with Annabelle when he passed. Only a couple of weeks before, my mamaw had been out here in California for my little sister's wedding and while she was out here, I found out we were having a girl! I was ecstatic because we planned to name her Annabelle (which was my grandaddy's mom's name). Then my mamaw went home to find that he had worstened and within a couple short weeks, he passed. I talked to him on the phone only 1 week before he did. He could hardly speak as the emphyzema was suppressing every breath he needed just to utter a sound. When I first called, he was able to briefly say his grandaddy things like, "hey baby" and "miss you" and "love you" but after only about 30-45 seconds, it was just quick sounds he made. As I do when I am overly nervous, anxious, sad or any other abundance of emotion, Ijust began rambling non-stop about pretty much everything that happened in the last so many days or weeks of my life. I recognized that he couldn't even breathe enough to verbally respond so I just wanted to tell him everything I could so I could know that he knew. In all that, the one thing that even now I wish I could have said was about the only thing I did not say and it is the thing that very much grieves me when I think about him and that is that "I named my baby Annabelle after your mom". I don't usually tell people these thoughts bc they will just come back with the annoying comments that, "he knows now. He's looking down and sees her and he knows." I know they are well-meant but to tell you the truth, I hope he doesn't just look down and observe the goings-on of my life. I honestly hope that he is just soaking in every minute of the Lord and if there is still a connection with me, I hope it is not to see what I named my kids, rather I hope that any connection with my life is in intercession for me and all our generations! THAT is what I hope he is doing more than listening and waiting to see what I will name my baby. But even though I fully hope that is how things are, it is only for the earthly reasons that I do wish I had been abe to tell him her name. As I have already said many times though, it is not in sadness, it is simply something that I just think would have been cool for him to have known.

But then I think, she will always know who he was, the bad and the good bc it was all of the bad and the good together that has brought blood to grace! That is what the sacrifice of Christ was. To show us that Grace is ALIVE! It is not just some idea or happy thought to make us fly away to a neverland, it is actual LIFE! It is such a powerful thing (I promise this all connects to my grandaddy, I am just getting really excited and jumping ahead here but I will connect it soon) when I think about how alive grace is and that BLOOD is the battery of life. Blood is what powers life and blood and grace were merged into ONE, our precious Savior, in order to save us from a life of separation from our amazing and loving and beautiful Father and Creator! Just as blood battery-powers life, it also supercharges Grace in us as a transfusion that we can be ALIVE and our blood can flow again! This whole process happens not just bc of the good in our lives but also bc of the bad. (Now here is the connection) You see, my grandaddy had a lot of tragedy, a lot of struggles and difficult times in his life. It breaks my heart some of the stories of what he went through. But then when I think about those things and I see the Lord unraveling the strings in the chaotic tapestry of his life, it is so simple to recognize the hand of Grace that was even in those bad things.

Had he not had those things in his life, I would not be the person I am today nor would any "greats" of my own descendants. It brings to mind the age-old question, if there is a God and He is good, then why do bad things happen? Well, I am sure we can all come up with answers to that but the simplest one to me is so well demonstrated in my family history. Bad things happen bc worse things COULD happen. My ENTIRE FAMILY for ALL generations COULD be condemned for all eternity bc we are ALL born of sin and are ALL sinners. That is the WORST thing that could happen! But GRACE, oh good and lovely Grace! Grace so blessedly allowed bad things to happen! Grace allowed my grandfather to grow up in an imperfect home and allowed so many bad things to happen to my grandfather and allowed him to fall into such a desperate horrible pit. Grace brought bad influences into his life and grief into their home. Grace was determined to go to all lengths for LOVE! All this bad drove a stake into the ground screaming "ENOUGH!" Because of these things, my father turned whole-heartedly to the Lord for salvation and determined in his heart to spend every moment of his life in pursuit of our most holy and righteous Lord! To not settle for "good" but to strive for RIGHTEOUS and to pursue it not only for himself but for all generations. Had this "good God" been what the world thinks He should be, then He would not have allowed these bad things to happen, all generations of my family would have been perfectly content with life and not one person in all our history (and I must say yours as well) would have ever had any need for God. We are the ones who chose sin and as well, separation from our Father and so, now, we have "bad" as evidence that our God IS indeed a good God bc if bad did not exist, then there could be no good. You have all heard for every action there is an equal opposite reaction? That is what bad is. And to tell you how "bad" things can get....well, as good as GOD is, there is an equal opposite bad. It's a bummer to say the very least, but if you have followed me this long then hopefully you will understand this that BAD is a driving force for desperation. As I mentioned before, Grace will go to all extents for LOVE! The Lord loved my grandaddy so much that He determined to have his heart and sent in a flood of difficulties to isolate him and bc of that, my grandaddy turned his life over to the Lord! Bc of the Lord's greatness, His brilliant grace even extended to my father who, in a different way was drawn to him at a much younger age as a result of those same difficulties that isolated my grandaddy. It's amazing how the exact same things can effect 2 different people in 2 totally different ways yet still have the same outcome. So is the brilliance and creativeness of our God! If you don't understand any of that, I'm sorry, it's already well past midnight and I am simply marvelling at the way things worked out. And now, I am a third generation follower of our precious Lord! Like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph, I know with confidence that my children and all generations will reap the blessings of all the suffering endured by my grandaddy as well as the determination of my own father to turn the life of an entire linage around, all of which has served to secure their lineage in our faith! I know that every descendant has to make the choice to follow God on their own, but the generational reversal began my own father as a response to his own father's life is tremendous! When we were ALL once condemned by patterns and generational transfer, we are now blessed with hope by new patterns and generational transfer. Same methods, different goals, TOTALLY new results!!!

I hope if nothing else, that what you will take from this is that God's grace is sufficient no matter what you have been through or done and also that when bad things happen, see them as evidence of a good God and praise Him that He loves you so much that He will go to all lengths to win your heart! He is Creator of ALL things and He loves His creation but most of all He longs to be with His people and will allow even bad things to happen to secure your heart for eternity! He is Grace and He is Hope and He is Love and if you can see this, then your outlook on all things good and bad will be so changed that you will be able to walk through trials and tribulation with confidence and determination that will set you apart from those who falter and fall. Praise You Jesus for You endured the greatest trials of all and You overcame that we might also be overcomers with You!

**PLease, if you have never given your life to Jesus Christ or if you have questions regarding anything I have shared or have a hard time understanding something I have written, please email me at destinyciera5@gmail.com  **