The Most Important Decision They'll Ever Make

 

So today, my girls made the most important decision of their lives! They chose to give their lives to the Lord, asking Jesus into their hearts and making the decision to follow Him all the days of their lives! I couldn't be prouder of these two. So I want to share a little about this amazing experience of getting to lead my two beautiful daughters to our wonderful Savior. 

They were at the table tonight eating their healthy Del Taco dinner I slaved over (😉) when Annabelle, out of the blue, said "mom I'm really scared to go to Heaven." I wanted her to clarify what she meant so I told her she doesn't have to be afraid of Heaven because Jesus will be there and then she said with a shaky voice and watery eyes, "I'm afraid that maybe He won't let me go in and then I'll have to go to hell. Will He let me go in?"

It was the sweetest question I've ever heard because it was so full of innocence and purity but I could also see an honest desperation in her beautiful hazel eyes.

I knelt down to her level knowing that my next words would be the most important she would ever hear. I said, "well sweetheart, if you don't have Jesus in your heart as your Lord and Savior, then you won't be able to go to Heaven. BUT, if you choose to give your life to Him, then you will. The Bible tells us that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, then you will be saved. Do you know what saved means?"

She said no so I explained. "The Bible says we are ALL sinners. That means every single person in the world is a sinner. Do you know what sin is?" She said no so I explained. "Sin is all the bad things we do- everything that goes against what God has told us to do." The twins had begun to listen by this point so we talked back and forth for several minutes about sin- what it is and how we were born into sin and what the price for our sin is. Then I told her that she needs to acknowledge her sin and that Christ is the only hope for redemption and what that means. I explained that if she asks Him to forgive her then He will and He will save her from the punishment of death and that's what being "saved" means.

She told me, "I feel like He's already saved me from so much." (Gotta say those words melted my heart. It's still a puddle of goo right there on my kitchen floor. I'll never recover from such beautiful words.)

I asked her if she would like to talk about it more in the room and she said yes. Aubree and Nic both wanted to join us as well. 

(Side note: Nicholas actually prayed and asked the Lord to come into his heart when he was about 5 years old but I've been waiting until he's a little older and understands a little more what that commitment means before he makes the decision to be baptized. But he still wanted to sit and listen with the girls.)

I grabbed a Bible and we sat on my bed. I read through the Romans Scriptures of salvation. We went through everything again but I wanted to read the direct Scriptures and we talked in a little more detail about living a life that honors and glorifies God. Then I asked both girls if they wanted to pray and ask Jesus into their hearts. Aubree was hesitant at first (not sure if she wanted to pray out loud in front of us) but Annabelle jumped right into praying. In fact, I had to stop her at first and make sure she understood what she was doing but she was eager and then I told them I would pray with them and then Aubree was eager as well. 

They prayed and then afterwards I asked them some questions about what they had just done to affirm their decisions and make sure they understood what just happened. They were both so excited! For Annabelle, I could see such a look of relief on her face as if she had been worried over this for quite some time. Maybe she has. But I know she isn't worried any longer. She put her hands to her chest lovingly and said, "I just love Jesus so much and He just does so much to take care of us." She was almost in tears as she said it. My sweet girl has the most tender heart and it has always stretched out to other people but now it's the most precious thing ever to witness her opening up that beautiful tender heart to our amazing Lord and Savior- now HER Lord and Savior! 

 

Aubree has always been my quieter one who shies away from attention as well as things she doesn't really understand but after her prayer, she was so full of happiness and boldness. We called both of their grandma's as well as their aunt Jessica to let them all know about this amazing decision they have made! I am so proud of the young ladies they are becoming but there are no words to describe how blessed I am that they have chosen this life with the Lord! 

 

(Nic - March 27, 2017)

Day to Remember

Today, December 1st, is a great day in our family! It's the day we celebrate the birth of my youngest son, Jaxon Jeremiah. 

 

This morning, we woke up, me and the 3 "big kids" sang happy birthday to him, we got ready, dropped the big kids off to school then Jaxon and I started heading to his speech therapy, all things birthday and celebration on the mind. As we were driving down the road towards his therapy, we hit unusual traffic. As I got closer, I saw the reason why. The road was completely shut off with police securing the road. On Bear Valley Rd. at 8:00 in the morning, that means only one thing. There was a fatality. Someone will soon be getting a phone call that will devastate their lives. This will become the worst day of someone's life. From now on, they will always remember every December 1st as a day of great tragedy and loss. While over here in the Wetzel house, December 1st will always be remembered by our family as the day we were given the most precious gift ever- the gift of my son's first breath.

 

Thinking about this dichotomy  took me back to a day nearly 4 years ago. One of my Jaxon's bad days in the Nicu. He was already around a month old and I had gotten up early and gotten ready to go down to see him when my phone rang. His doctor called every morning with updates but every Nicu parent knows the suffocating feeling of hearing their phone ring before it's time for updates. I answered it with my heart racing a mile a minute. His doctor asked me if I was coming down. Of course she knew I came in every single morning so the question threw me off. I told her I was about to head out now. She then told me that she would wait until I arrived and give me his update in person. I tried not to think about what that meant. She also said that she was going into a meeting and if she wasn't out when I got there to have my nurse go get her. None of this sounded good so as soon as I hung up, I threw my shoes on and jumped in the car. As I was driving the hour to the hospital, I was shaking inside and a constant flow of tears was pouring silently from my eyes. I kept telling myself that maybe it was something simple. It was nothing. She had seemed calm on the phone. Surely everything was fine. He'd had a decent day before, he couldn't turn so quickly. I remember thinking maybe I should have called my mom to drive me down. I was trying to be super careful because I knew I was upset and I didn't want it to make my driving careless. The freeway to the hospital is already a dangerous one. 

At one point, I was stuck behind a slow car and at the back of my mind was the constant thought I was trying to ignore... "what if I get there too late?" I looked in my rear view and quickly popped a lane over cutting off a car coming up behind me. The guy (rightfully so) honked his horn at me but I continued on. I had more important things to focus on. I started thinking how my little move of cutting him off could possibly throw his whole day off. That happens all the time right? One thing said or done throws the whole day out of whack! He's irritated I cut him off and becomes a grumpy driver and then a grumpy person and now it's started a ripple effect and his whole day might be bad now. 

But my son was hanging by a thread to life fighting in the Nicu. 

That guy was probably headed to work. He could have been headed anywhere really but it was 6:00am on the 15 South. That's commuter traffic so most likely it was to work. I started thinking how he had no idea that while he was irritated with me for cutting him off while he's headed to work or to shop or to a meeting, I'm trying to get to the hospital to see my son before it's too late. I've been making this exact same drive every single morning for a month and will hopefully continue making it every morning for a couple more months until I can bring him home. I thought how I might have even been making this drive every morning alongside this same guy and every morning he passed me having no idea what kind of battle my son faced each and every day. What kind of battle my whole family was going through. My 3 small kids at home who have a little brother they love dearly but they may possibly never even meet. Living from home to home of family members trying to help alleviate some of the stress. Not understanding the depth of what was going on or why our family was never together but knowing that something was so off balance with the world. My husband- single parenting our older 3 kids so I could heal from months of bedrest and a traumatic C-section and also so I could be with my baby every day the way a mother should be able to be with her newborn. All the while living with the constant fears of being the father of a beloved child, our Jaxon so sick and his daddy not being able to fix everything for him. The helplessness we each faced every day knowing that our whole world was riding on the shoulders of a 2 pound tiny little human whose body was too frail to even function without intense medical intervention. 

This guy who honked at me when I cut him off, he had NO IDEA! Then...I remember thinking, he may not be headed to work. This isn't JUST commuter traffic. Obviously I'm on this road and I'm not commuting. Anyone who lives in the high desert takes this same road to get to Kaiser like me or also Loma Linda, CHOC, UCI...all the hospitals. My sons not the only sick baby. What if he is making this drive for the same reason I am? What if he got a phone call this morning? What if his child has been battling cancer at CHOC and he still has hours of traffic to reach her in time. It dawned on me that not only do other people that I pass by daily in the grocery store, on the roads, at a restaurant...not only do they not know the battles that I was fighting daily, that my son, my family was fighting daily, but I also didn't know THEIR battles. I didn't know what loss they were dealing with. What grief they were working through. Their struggles. Yes, my battle was HUGE! It was life altering! My universe in the middle of an astronomical shift. But everyone has a battle. EVERYONE has a struggle, deals with grief, loss, tragedy. My battle shouldn't close me off to others' struggles, it should do the opposite. It should make me more understanding and compassionate. 

Ever since that day, since that revelation, I've tried to live my life with respect and compassion for people. To have patience with people. The waitress who gets my order wrong and never refills my drink...maybe she lost sleep last night because she was sitting up with her dying mother. The guy being rude in line at the store? Maybe today is the 3 year anniversary of when his wife died in a car accident. And the woman who cut me off on the freeway? Just maybe she's rushing down to the hospital to get to her sick child's side before it's too late to say goodbye. 

Some days are in our book as days of celebration, some as days of tragedy and others as just regular days of life but I guarantee every day of the year is both celebrated and mourned by somebody. You never know what a particular day means to someone, you never know what a person is going through when you pass them by. Patience, kindness, compassion, love...everyone can use these no matter what kind of day it is. We are celebrating today but remembering the battle that was fought fiercely and tirelessly to get to this day. Also with the realization that there are those who will grieve tragedy today. We won't take it for granted that the Lord has blessed not just Jaxon but all of my family with health and happiness today. We are not guaranteed tomorrow or even tonight but we do have RIGHT NOW! This exact moment in time. 

"You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." 

-James 4:14 (ESV)

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a hope and a future.'"

-Jeremiah 29:11

 

A Preemie Poem

Inspired by my sweet Jaxon Jeremiah. Born 13 weeks sooner than planned, but exactly on time.

Dedicated to every preemie NICU baby. The moment you were born, the entire world got a little bit better.

What a joy it was when we found
That Heaven was blessing this earth
With a bundle of joy, be it girl? Be it boy?

We anxiously awaited your birth.

But all would not come as expected
For destiny had her own plan
First grief and the tears, troubled news bringing fears
This is where your long journey began

There was nothing that really prepared us
For what we soon would see
Clinging to hope, really trying to cope
With not knowing for sure what would be

Much too soon your day came
For the world to look on your sweet face
Many tears shed, for the rough days ahead
All the stars falling out of their place

Your voice, your melodious cry
(Though my world all around full of fear)
So fully consumed every thought where it loomed
For t'was all that I wanted to hear

When first my gaze rested upon you
Passed the tubes and the wires I could see
The Lord, so intently, a fighter He sent me
A miracle I knew you would be

Were it hours or days, weeks or months
Uncountable times that I cried.
Clinging and praying, my hope often swaying
But always right there by your side.

Your strength every day so astounding

Through the darkness we always saw

Your eyes full of light and shining so bright

Fill the world with wonder and awe!

My Happy Birthdays

Today is my 29th birthday!!! I wanted to just post this little timeline of my last decade because it's just amazing to me how much 10 years can change a person. 10 years ago from today, I was a waitress and I was single and not even remotely interested in dating. My 5 year plan was to do some world traveling with my dad for the next two years while finishing up my journalism classes. I then wanted to start nursing school and become a nicu nurse. (little did I know that the next decade would give me personal experience in the nicu with my own 3 preemies that would even more solidify that desire) I thought I would marry around age 27 or so and have kids around 30. I wanted a career more than anything else for my life. I wanted a family, but it just wasn't a priority. 

Anyways, I am so grateful God knows best and works things out for our good because I can't imagine if I had stuck to my plan and never married my husband or had our kids. I can't imagine I would have been near as happy or fulfilled had I finished my schooling and become a nurse and never had my own sweet little ones. Of course, the current "plan" is to still go through nursing school once Jaxon is in school (but of course, I now know as much as anyone that even that may change) but I just don't want to miss even a second of their lives that I don't absolutely have to. I am so grateful for a husband who works so hard and affords me the opportunity to stay home with them. I am so blessed with my life. If I had known back then what it would be like now, this is exactly what I would have set as my 10 year plan. Things may not have always been easy or gone the way I wanted, but the end result is exactly "everything I never knew I always wanted". (I've always loved that line from the movie Fools Rush In) :) Anyways, here is the timeline of my last ten years. I am so excited about this final year of my 20s. I am so excited to begin a new decade next year. I am such a blessed lady and thank the Lord so much for giving me the life He gave me!

In 2005, I turned 20 years old and kicked off this past decade of my life with an amazing trip to South Africa with my dad. 

In 2006, I married my husband, 

In 2007 I started working at our church and running the women's ministry, 

In 2008 I got pregnant with our twins, Aubree and Nicholas and we bought our first home. 

In 2009 I had the twins and got pregnant with my little Annabelle. 

(Aubree at about 12 hours old)

(Nicholas at about 12 hours old)

 (This is me actually only 5 days she was born)

In 2010, I delivered Belle making us a family of 5. 

 (Me and Belle in recovery. She is about 45 minutes old here. My big ole 9lb baby)

 (First Family of 5 photos)

 (Annabelle at 6 months old)

In 2011 we went through the most major changes in our family, losing our home, being out of work most of the year, a cancer scare with Nicholas and so many other things that made us into a stronger and more united family than ever. 

In 2012, we found out we were pregnant with Jaxon and then delivered him 3 months premature. 

(Me holding Jaxon at 2 days old. He was able to come off his breathing tube for almost a day so I got to hold him really early for a micropreemie)

In 2013, we brought Jaxon home from the hospital and went through the biggest change as a family ever that has once again, changed the entire dynamic and purpose of our family unit. 

(The kids in September. Jaxon is 9 months, Annabelle is 3 and twins are 4)

2014 is just over halfway finished but so far, we have become the ambassador family for March of Dimes, have joined several other advocacy groups and have been able to work with so many other families going through the struggles that come with having a sick baby or child- a mission that I intend to work with for the rest of my life. 

 (All of us at the beach in spring 2014)

This last decade has been hard and stressful and seemingly impossible at times but has been such an amazing ride! Today is the first day of my last year in my 20s. A lot of people enter their 30s regretting many choices they made in their 20s but I am so glad that I have no regrets and can look back on this past decade and be proud of all I have been blessed with and all that the Lord has given me the opportunity to do!

Miracle Named Kylee

Our first Monday's Miracles post comes from some of our best friends! James and April were two of the people who really helped us through our battle with Jaxon. They had been through so much with their own little girl Kylee. I wanted to share their story to launch this new series because I know it will inspire so many of you!!!

 

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When we think of a miracle it is something extraordinary that amazes us into a state of awe.   When you have a baby everyone calls it a miracle, which it is. This time in anyone’s life is just simply amazing.  The baby’s coos, wiggles and cute facial expressions keep us in a constant awe with this new miracle.  But what happens when your miracle is born different.  Some would think it takes away from this beautiful miracle known as your baby.  Although it can be overwhelming and we can lose focus at times, this sweet special baby is the biggest miracle you may ever see.  For our family it added to our amazement in everything that Kylee ever overcame and accomplished.  Anything that Kylee did was a miracle and I began watching for “daily miracles” that God would do in her life.  Although we were praying for complete healing for Kylee, at the same time we did not overlook what God was doing every day in her and through her.

 Our little miracle, Kylee, was born a pink, round bouncing baby girl on February 4th 1999.  We loved her instantly and saw nothing wrong, that is, until you saw her back.  She was born with a significant opening on her lower back, called Spina Bifida.  This required Kylee to have her first surgery within hours after being born, before she was 1 day old.  Surgery went good and they were able to close her back most of the way.  We had to learn how to care for this properly so that she would not get an infection.  Within a week her Doctors knew that she would need a shunt placed in her head to relieve the pressure accumulating due to closing her back. So her second surgery was scheduled at one week old.  God brought her through both of these successfully and after she stayed in the NICU for a total of 3 weeks we prepared to take her home.  We had learned how to take care of all of her special needs including catheterizing her every 4 hours around the clock.  

 

 

 We were so excited to have Kylee home that we didn’t care what we would have to do!  We did everything the Dr. had told us and lived with minimal sleep as most new parents do.  At the time, James worked night shift so he did the middle of the night catheterizations so that I could sleep.  That helped so much because I needed to be ready for the morning.  Not only was I taking care of Kylee but Shayne, our older daughter, was 19months and a busy toddler.  Only through God’s strength could I even accomplish what needed to be done in a day.  

 Kylee was only home for 3 weeks before we ended up going to the local hospital. It seemed like she had a cold so they kept her overnight.  They tried their best but they were not set up for all of the equipment they needed for her. The hospitals power kept turning off the circuit breaker in her room.  Kylee didn’t have a cold, she was having common issues of Spina Bifida, which include the inability to swallow correctly.  While she was in the hospital she ended up aspirating while eating and placed on a ventilator. This was the first of many scary events.  Within a couple of hours they airlifted her to Loma Linda Children’s Hospital.  As our whole family stood at the hospital, watching Kylee get loaded into the helicopter, we prayed that God’s hand would be on her through whatever was going on. It’s such a scary feeling to see your 2-month-old fly away in a helicopter but at the same time we all felt the peace of God.  We quickly followed by car and arrived before they even had her settled.

 We didn’t know what to expect as she was admitted to the Peds ICU.  We had a great support system, which consisted of family, friends and our very supportive church but we had no idea what we were headed toward.  Nothing could prepare us for it or teach us the way that you learn by living through it.  We needed God to strengthen us.  God didn’t just walk beside us through the next season but He carried us through the next season.  There is no other explanation for the peace that we had.  This hospital stay was almost 4 months and in those fours months Kylee had some close calls.  She had 7 more surgeries, many procedures and a major medical mishap by a nurse.  This malpractice caused Kylee to be on 9 antibiotics for 6 weeks and have many more tests, procedures and medications in addition to what she was already fighting.  In this season, Kylee was also pre diagnosed with cancer from a tumor they removed from her brain.  After we heard the news of cancer we prayed for a miracle knowing that her tiny little body couldn’t deal with cancer and radiation treatments.  Our amazing God healed her from it! When they got the final results back they said they don’t know what it is. We still laugh about this today, that God changed it to something they had never seen.  

 

 

 When we came home from this hospital stay we had even more equipment added to the normal schedule.  Kylee came home with oxygen, a kangaroo pump, g-tube, pulse-ox monitor, apnea monitor and 2 suction machines.  We had a mini hospital.  At 21 years old, and James 22, we were not just young parents of 2 little girls but we also became medically savvy within a few months.  

 Although Kylee’s first year was trying with several more hospital stays and surgeries, it was a time that we learned so much. Not just medical knowledge but we learned about God and how much He loves us.  We loved our little miracle girl but we also knew that God loved her more than we ever could.  We learned that God chose us to be her parents and love her and take care of her for Him. What an honor!  Kylee was God’s baby!  He had his hand on her life constantly as well as ours.  Knowing this, made us fall in love, even more, with God.  There wasn’t a decision that we made without asking God because we also learned that He was our counselor, comforter and friend.  Kylee was not just a miracle by what she overcame but she was also a miracle in what she taught us through her life.  We learned to trust that God was with us and leading us in every situation through the years. We relied on God’s strength as Kylee had 8 more surgeries, numerous hospital stays, several ambulance rides, 3 more helicopter rides and many more procedures and appointments.  

As Kylee grew older she became stronger but still had many things to overcome.  Anything she would accomplish we would tell her “good girl”! So that became one of her first phrases that she said and continued to be her favorite.  It was good that Kylee was determined, stubborn, joyful and a silly little girl to accomplish what was needed.  She always learned to compensate for what her body lacked.  Even though she had P.T and O.T. for years she didn’t usually cooperate with them, she wanted to do things her way.  She figured out how to crawl even though she had no use of her legs.  She could get anywhere she wanted to and get away from anything or anyone she wanted to.  She eventually had a wheelchair that was custom fit to her.  This gave her the ability to roll all over the place, and like any child, she liked to go fast.  She would get all tangled up with her 100-foot oxygen tubing but we would just untangle it and she would be off again. One of Kylee’s favorite things that she loved was her music.  We had kids worship songs playing all of the time but if a song came on that she didn’t like she would immediately crawl to the CD player and remove the cd.  She always knew exactly what she wanted and most of the time Kylee just wanted to have fun and play.  She enjoyed her life even though it was difficult.  She taught us to enjoy today because we never knew if she had tomorrow.  She also taught us what it is to have true joy even while going thru a hard time.  I know that God gave her peace and was with her everyday and especially in her scary moments.  She dealt with pain and difficulties everyday and yet she had joy every day.  

 Kylee lived a short but complete life of seven years here on earth.  Now she lives forever with Jesus, completely healed and completely whole in the arms of her savior.  After all, she belonged to Him all along we were just able to care for an angel for a season.  While Kylee was here, she was loved by everyone who knew her and she loved her family and friends.  Her determination, joy and peace passed all understanding.  I am confident in knowing that God placed her in our life for His purpose.  She changed our life forever and the lives of many others.  She carries an amazing testimony. A true miracle.

 

 

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MADHOUSE Organizing with Children!!

I walked into the playroom this morning and what did I find? The large round bin that holds all the kids toys had been dumped out into a messy pile in the middle of the room. Where were the kids? They were back in their rooms playing with their dress-up clothes! I called them all into the playroom and told them to clean up the mess or I will start putting their toys "IN JAIL" ***I put them in a box on a high shelf until they post bail---either chores they have to do to raise enough "money" to buy them out of jail or by good behavior***. When I told them this, my little wise guy Nicholas said, "what toy are you going to put in jail?". I said, "I'm going to put your hot wheels in jail". He looked at me casually, shrugged and said, "I don't like my hot wheels anymore. You can put them in jail." I was quite aghast and told him, "you are still going to clean or I will put ALL your toys in jail". Once he saw me pick up his Captain America action figure, he got to cleaning instantly. Every year after Christmas and birthdays, whenever they stock up on toys, I always do a basic cleanout where I will throw out an old toy for every new toy they receive. It has helped somewhat but somewhere along the way, I have made horrible calculations because toys still seem to be growing out of our walls! Less than a few hours after that first incident, I walked into the playroom again and what did I find......YES! The toy bin once again had been dumped out in the middle of the floor with not a kid in sight! I wanted to call them in to clean it up again but unfortunately this time, I had just layed them all down for their naps. I debated a moment whether I would wait and make them clean it when they awoke but I decided instead, to sort through them and "JAIL" the toys I thought would impact them the most. As I sat and picked up the toys one by one, putting them each in the bin, I noticed that 90% of the toys were not anything I would even care to play with if I were a child. I remembered a year or so before when I had made the decision to keep that toy and throw out a different one and I no longer could remember what made me make that decision. Then I thought of Toy Story and how every toy wants to be wanted. Then I wanted to watch Toy Story III because it's the best movie ever! But I started to get an idea about how to organize their toys. I have tried a LOT of different ideas. Last year, I got rid of ALL Nicholas's toys EXCEPT his hot wheels and costumes since those were the only things he plays with and for the girls, they got to keep barbies and their good baby dolls that still had all their clothes and shoes and their costumes as well. Everything else (games, tea sets, army men, etc) we threw out and we did their rooms around those toys they kept. That did not work even in the slightest. The year before that, I went organizer-crazy and got bins and baskets and boxes and we sorted all toys into their own designated spot. That worked for a few weeks until we started finding a few toys here and there that didn't really have a designated spot so we turned one bin into a "miscellaneous" bin blurring the line of "designated toys" and "miscellaneous toys" and soon after, ALL bins were miscellaneous bins until the bins themselves became toys.....then became broken, therefore becoming weapons, and finally....becoming trash. I am taking all the many failed organization attempts into deep consideration as I put together a schedule of how to get everything organized and stay organized having 4 kids ages 5 and under in the house! (and a husband which, we all know is like adding another 2-3 children, depending on temperament) :) This is no easy feat. Maybe we should just move and leave everything behind and started over afresh! I swear sometimes I feel like that's the only way we will get these sorts of clutter/organization issues taken care of. Well, just had to vent a bit about this but I guess it would actually be a much better use ofmy time to shut the computer down and actually start working on the issue at hand :) I'll come back and add some pictures for a bit more color on the post a bit later. ..............I really just can't get up the energy to do this right now. :/ Ok, bye!

Here is my hubby with the kids last weekend when we went to the beach. It was such a beautiful day!

The Almond Branch Promise

Can't believe we are already at the halfway point of Jaxon's SECOND YEAR!! Please watch this video and read my post below. You can also click on the video link below:

JAXON'S FIRST YEAR video
^^^^^Click here ^^^^^

The Lord gave me a word for Jaxon when I was still pregnant and doctors were insistently telling me that I would deliver him at 23 weeks (17 weeks early and the earliest doctors will resuscitate a baby). The world was becoming chaotic and the Lord just gave me peace and put on my heart Jeremiah 1:5-19, that my Jaxon Jeremiah has a great calling on his life to be a refuge for the sick and the broken, those persecuted and weak, for all in need. And He assured me that this calling on his life would not be robbed from him, that it was an "almond branch" promise- the almond branch represents God's faithfulness to perform His word. He said of the vision Jeremiah had of the almond branch "I am watching over My word to perform it". Nothing about the promise could slip from His watch. He is focused on it. He's intense on it. From that moment, sitting in my hospital bed with IVs, medications and in active labor at only 23 weeks pregnant, I never doubted Him. I had such peace about our situation. I still thought my Jaxon would arrive within hours as the doctors had said, but it didn't matter. My Jaxon wasn't a statistic anymore, He was a WORD from GOD! All the resources in the world could never hold up against that. If God can speak all life into vast emptiness, I had no doubt His word was life in my son. Of course, now we know the great miracle He performed for our family in giving us another 25 days before delivering Jaxon. This is a video my husband made for JAxon's first birthday of his first year. I hope you will watch it and see how great is our God and what amazing and wonderful things HE has done for our family! I don't ever want to forget where life took us during that year because even though it seemed impossibly difficult, many of the greatest moments of my life happened because of what we went through.

Spring Cleaning

Our house has become so crazy overrun by toys, clothes and, weird enough, medical equipment. I'm not talking about thermometers and tylenol, no. I'm talking about cannulas and oxygen tanks, stethoscopes,  pulse oximeters, etc. Jax is doing so well now that I hardly use any of it anymore but it is still so hard to get rid of. After talking to many preemie moms, I know it's typical and probably somehow connected to the ptsd that most of us suffer for years after our preemies are born so at least I know I'm not crazy, but I still really want to get rid of it all to prove to myself that I am confident and moving forward in this rocky long journey. I decided to just allow myself to do so slowly and progressively so I am giving myself to the end of this year to be rid of it all. But to be sure I continually work towards this goal, I will make myself get rid of at least one thing every single week. This week I'm going easy on myself. (Week 1 and already trying to cheat the system) today, I am tossing out all the gauze. I was going to get rid of the tegaderm (transparent tape that held his cannula on his face) but anything that had to do with his oxygen, I find it the hardest to part with. I know that sounds so dumb because you would think I would celebrate while getting rid of it all, but for some reason, I have some crazy bizarre attachments  to all his oxygen-related equipment. Maybe in a few weeks for those things, so I'll just keep my first step a baby step with the gauze. So farewell gauze! I really hope I'm not suddenly going to need you tomorrow. (Whoa! See? I'm already regretting choosing the gauze. I might need it for something. I mean, the last time I used it was probably 6 months ago, but you never know right?) Ok, be brave. I can do this.  People live their lives every day perfectly fine without 2 pounds of gauze in their medicine cabinets. And......it's gone. Now I just have to run it out to the trash can before I decide to dig it back out. :) so, there you have it folks. I have officially proven that I can, in fact, move on from this crazy, sterile, medically equipped lifestyle I have lived since December 1, 2012. 

But, for more interesting news, Jaxon will soon be starting back in his speech therapy. We got all the issues worked out and are now just waiting for them to call to schedule his next session. Also, his eeg did not show seizure activity so we are waiting for an appointment with the neurologist to discuss other options. His developmental assessment with his high risk doctor went well. He did excellent with cognitive and fine motor skills. He was good with gross motor but of course, his speech was extremely delayed. But we are already in therapy and working with ent and audiology for that. He will have another abr as well as his follow up with ent and audiology next week.  His high risk doctor mentioned a possible assessment for hearing aids but that will depend on his abr results as well as the ent's opinion. Well, that's about it for the update. I just got a new phone (switched from iPhone to galaxy) so trying to figure out all the different ways to do things so I gotta figure out how to load pictures but I will ASAP.  For now, this will just have to be a boring colorless post, but later I'll add the photos and it will be ***mindblowingly***  awesome!!! I'm talking pictures of gauze in the trash can, medical equipment shoved in cabinets....it's really going to be epic! So hold on to the edge of your seats so you don't shoot through the roof in anticipation and hopefully within a few hours you can reread this with the photos and know that you are finally a fully satisfied and complete person.

Ok, just added two photos but can't get the others. The first one is of about a third of our supplies. The diaper picture is Jaxon diaper he wore the first 2 or 3 weeks in the nicu. Look how tiny it is in my hand! (It was in the med box so just had to revisit a bit)

Parents of Preemies Day

Want to wish all my fellow preemie parents a happy Parents of Preemies day bc not only are our little miracles strong fighters, but we as their parents, who sat at their bedsides for countless hours every single day praying and crying and cheering them on at every moment, the ones making those life-altering decisions not knowing for sure if it's the right one but hoping with every ounce in us that it is, staring at our phones all hours of every sleepless night hoping it doesn't ring but ready to answer the instant it does, researching every possible diagnosis, medication, machine, treatment, and every other even remote possibility our baby may ever have to face, creating community with every other Nicu/preemie family we come into contact with because they are the only ones who understand our desperate hopes and our desperate fears, celebrating every single milestone (and by the way, a preemie milestone is even as simple as "he drank 10ml today!!!!"), we as the parents of little miracles are also strong fighters! 

We stand strong for them even when inside, every part of us is crumbling. If someone breathed in our direction, we felt like we may topple over and break into a million pieces yet every day we got out of bed, went to the hospital and fought every battle that day with our little ones. A preemie parent meets many superheroes along their journey, from their little superhero fighter to nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, etc but know that every time you met one of those superheroes, they also met a superhero in you!!! Whatever stage in the journey you are, if you're still carrying your soon-to-be-preemie inside you or in the Nicu, recently out or if your preemie is 30 years old, you are a hero and you're amazing! I hope you are blessed today and have a wonderful parents of preemies day!!!

www.facebook.com/jaxonjeremiahwetzel

Long Time, No Posts

WOW! I can't believe it's been 3 months since I last wrote on here. We have had a LOT going on. I keep up with almost everything on Jaxon's Facebook page ( Jaxon's Journey ) so I forget to come on here anymore. I'm not going to go into everything too much because I'm pretty sure all my family and friends pretty much just keep up on our Facebook page now but I will just say that our March of Dimes walk went AMAZING!!! Here is a video from it of our family sharing our story and why we walk. Just click HERE to see the video.

Here are some photos from the day

Our family getting ready to share our story

Here we are with our team getting ready to walk

It was a lot of fun and I really encourage everyone to find their local walk and get involved. It's free and very little obligation but makes a HUGE difference for preemie babies everywhere.

Ok, so that is the end of my pitch ;)

I really don't have much to share as of right now but here is an Easter picture from the other day.

We had a wonderful holiday. For a very brief update on Jaxon, since my last posts about him, we have found he has some hearing loss in his right ear due to an extremely narrow canal as well as a misshapen canal and a tumor in the canal. His left ear is also narrow but not as bad as the right. His Chronic Lung Disease seems to be improving. He has not had any major issues with his breathing in a few months so that is AMAZING! He has been sick for a little over 2 weeks though. He's doing fine, just upset tummy that hopefully is about better now. He also is most likely having some seizures but based on my research, they don't seem to be harmful or severe. We will hopefully find out more specifics at his neurology appointment in a couple weeks. He has his developmental evaluation also in a couple weeks. He will be 17 months old next week. He is currently sitting, crawling, clapping and possibly saying "ball". When we give him his ball, about half the time he will say "BA-BA-BA" so we are pretty sure we finally got his first word!!! He also can cruise the furniture pretty well. He does not stand or walk yet so those are the things we are focusing on helping him with for now. He does not say any other words either. He will sometimes copy a simple sound if we try to get him to---like if we say "da-da-da-da", then about 25% of the time we can get him to say it too but he still can not make an "m" sound or any of the more complicated sounds like that. Only "d" and "b" really. Slowly but surely though, he is getting there. And with the hearing loss in addition to his prematurity, we don't expect him to be there yet anyways. My primary concern is his health and as far as that goes, he is a big healthy boy! He now weighs 20lb 12oz. Not sure where this puts him on the scale but I think it is around the 2 percentile as before. 

These photos are all from a wedding they were in last week

As far as the other 3 kids, the twins are doing wonderful! Aubree can spell her name and has turned out to be quite a talented little artist. She loves to draw these flowers that are just BEAUTIFUL! The first time she showed me, I just stared at it then showed Donny when he got home from work and he couldn't believe it! Coloring and drawing and any kind of craft that involves either is her favorite thing to do. I got her a professional sketchpad to draw on and her own set of markers, colors and paints. We will see how she develops this interest. Nicholas is still as fascinated with planetary science as ever. He is also obsessed with angry birds and star wars. The way he grasps information just amazes me. Things about the planets that we haven't talked about in many months and he will randomly start talking about it and remember even small little details. I will have plenty of use for that memory in years to come! Annabelle will be 4 in August but she thinks she is the twins' age. (Well, until she sees Jaxon being babied, then she thinks she is HIS age.) She thinks she will be starting school in August and she is very excited about that! I keep telling her that she won't go until next year but it's not really registering with her. I work with the twins on spelling their names and she tries too but she's just not quite there.....well, that AND her name is a BAJILLION letters long! ugh! what were we thinking spelling it out the very longest way possible!? oy! In my next life, I will name them names like Joe or Max or Lee. Short and simple.

Well, Jaxon is crawling all over me so I can't really type now so gonna go! 

<3 Me

March of Dimes Fundraising

So, I am new to the world of fundraising and it is actually quite overwhelming! BUT, because it is a cause I ABSOLUTELY believe in and am ridiculously passionate about, I press on! So, we are doing it a few different ways and hope you will read on and consider supporting our cause.

If you have already read through previous posts, then you already understand the significance of the March of Dimes mission for our family but if not, please read the posts under the "pprom/nicu" tab above. You don't have to read through them all but a post or 2 will give you an idea of what we have been through with our youngest child, Jaxon. He was born 3 months premature and has been through A LOT his first year. Look at this handsome face for a minute and let him play on your heart strings a bit before you continue on:

..........it's okay, you can keep looking at him another minute before you read on, I know you really want to! Who can resist?? I know I can't!

......okay, now if I can get your attention back this way again. I promise I'll post another in a minute so you can get some more of that yummy goodness! Okay, so he is now 13 1/2 months old and is still going through a lot because of his prematurity. The March of Dimes mission is to raise awareness and funds to support research, education and resources to help prevent prematurity and birth defects. They are an amazing organization reponsible for the lives of millions of babies, too many to ever even really know. I have 3 preemies myself who would most likely not be alive today without the March of Dimes, my Jaxon most definitely would not be. (and can you IMAGINE a world without that face?-----did you just look back up at the picture again? I knew you did because I had to as well) Anyways, (FOCUS) :) we are the ambassador family for our local March of Dimes chapter and I am totally dedicated to doing everything I can to help spread this March of Dimes mission to as many people as I can!! I am getting good at the awareness part of things. I mean, I doubt if there is anyone who has been near my zones (Facebook, my blog, my pinterest...me personally...) who doesn't know my passion for the mission of the March of Dimes. I am now working on the fundraising part. Awareness is HUGE! But without the financial backing for research, medical equipment, education materials, etc, then nothing can get off the ground. Did you know that a baby on a ventilator costs a little over $300 A DAY??? All three of my preemies were on a ventilator. Jaxon was on one for EIGHT WEEKS! I know a few babies who were or have been on them for 2 years and more! March of Dimes works to keep expensive but necessary equipment like this in NICUs. Did you know that over 40,000 babies in the US are born each year with a congenital heart defect? The March of Dimes works to support research for congenital defects/diseases like this as well as helping to provide educational materials for not only the medical staff that works with these babies but also the parents so they can learn more and be a part of their child's care team! These are only a few of MANY MANY examples of the great things the March of Dimes does. These things cost money and that's what I want to try and help with but I need the support of compassionate people who are willing to take the time to consider that these children's lives are worth more than their Starbucks run today. I'm not going to ask anyone to empty their bank account. I understand that everyone has needs and things in their lives that are very important so not everyone can give all they have to every good cause. But I am asking if you would just consider clicking on the link I am going to list below and just donating a dollar. Just a single dollar. You probably have more than that laying around your house you can deposit on your next trip to the bank to cover it. :) If you want to give more then (of course) I won't stop you but really, just a dollar is enough. Because if everyone who visits this page or our Facebook page donates $1, then I can raise enough to meet our BIG GOAL by April 12th, the day of our walk. Okay, so...here are the ways we are raising the money. (do you wanna see another ADORABLE photo first? ---I already had it inserted here so figured I'll keep it as a nice little break to divide this post up a bit and add some color...pretty BLUE color! LOOK at those EYES! WOW!)

Okay, so here are the different fundraisers:

1- You can just make a donation straight to our March of Dimes team fundraiser. Here is the link and all your donations go straight to March of Dimes and are tax deductible and ALSO are added to our teams goal :) ----- http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?pp=4576339&ct=4&w=6358311&u=DestinyCiera

2- You can purchase a Jeremiah 1:5 tshirt or hoody at the following link. These start at $12 each and are purchased straight from this page which runs fundraisers. Once all shirt orders are purchased, processed and delivered, they will donate all profits directly to the March of Dimes for us. They will ship your shirt directly to you. I LOVE these shirts. I like that they apply to ALL preemies. While we were deciding what to put on them, we considered "Team Jaxon" or "Jaxon's Journey" (since that's been the name of his Facebook page) but we opted against that because we wanted something that represents ALL babies. Our cause isn't JUST about Jaxon, it's about ALL babies, even those yet to be born. Our mission is to PREVENT premature birth for every baby possible so I like that these shirts represent that mission. Anyways, here is the link to order. They make great gifts as well. There are several different styles you can choose from: http://teespring.com/jaxonsjourney


3- You can purchase silicone bracelets by messaging us on Jaxon's Facebook page. We have multiple color bracelets including purple for prematurity and black, gray and blue. They each say "Team Jaxon" on them and we are selling them for $2 each. You can order them by messaging us and letting us know the color you would like and how many. The link to Jaxon's page is: www.facebook.com/jaxonjeremiahwetzel

Alright, so, for now these are the fundraisers we have going on and as I said before, 100% of the money we raise will go towards our March of Dimes walk! We will never ask or expect even a penny for ourselves or our family, not even for his medical expenses. It is much better to put it to where it can help MANY babies and families who need it much more than we do so we really hope and pray that you will consider helping us with this mission through one of these different ways. Thank you so much for taking the time to read through this. If you have any questions you can always email, message, facebook me or comment below. Please pin this post to help spread it as well and share it with family and friends! The more people we are exposed to, the more chances we will have of reaching our goals. Everyone or someone they know has been directly affected by the March of Dimes so this is not some random organization out there helping some unknown mysterious "they"s, it is a very personal and present organization, active and doing work all around us with people all around us. I hope none of you ever has to experience what our family has been through, but at the same time, I hope and pray that it doesn't just take going through it for people to realize how significant this organization is to us ALL!

Blessings!
Destiny